A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 2 years. We both love each other very much, we live together and have made plans to share the rest of our lives together. We have had the usual fights and differences in relationships, up until about 2 months ago. It just seems that a lot of our differences have been causing major problems. I am a more reserved, introverted person while he is very much the social butterfly. This has caused problems for us because when we go out, he is always worried that I am going to be upset if he doesn't pay enough attention to me, ect. I have come to accept that he doesn't need me as much in social settings as I do, but he says that he doesn't really know if we're compatible.Last weekend, he went on a trip to visit his godmother in another city, where there was a big ethinic event he was attending. I know that his ethnicity is a huge part of his life, and the city we live in now does not have his ethnic community. The plan was always to move to Chicago, a city I have always loved and the city he has always seen himself moving to because of it's large ethnic population. I have recently decided on what career path I want to pursue, after years of not knowing, which would require me going back to school to finish my degree. My boyfriend and I had a conversation last night were he said that he doesn't want to drag me to another city and make me put my dreams on hold while he pursues his. He said he doesn't want me to eventually grow to resent him because I followed him to a new city, because he thinks I will be miserable away from all my friends and relatives, and I will only have him to lean on. He said he feels we're at a standstill, and while he still loves me very much, he wants to take some time apart to get things figured out. I told him that my life is with him, and the rest is all details that can be worked out (like finishing my degree at another school). He said that he doesn't think it is fair to either of us to put our lives on hold. He said he is miserable with the job he has and the city he's in, and doesn't think it's fair for either of us to put our lives on hold.I still want to stay together, and I believe he does too. My question is, first of all, can we work through this? And secondly, where do we go from here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): Have you applied to schools where he is moving too, is there a school there where you could pursue your degree, or is it limited to certain areas.
If the answer is that you could go to school where he is moving to, it sounds to me like taking a break means breaking up. He doesn't seem to want to make this a long term relationship maybe because you wouldn't be able to achieve goals, or maybe because he is really worried that you would be unhappy in a new city, that and going to school where you lack support of family and friends, would be stressful and put a strain on your relationship.
I think he has put some thought into this, but I would take this as a break up, not a break because breaks don't really resolve problems in my mind, but break ups do.
A lot of times relationships do end because of timing and that is OK...not all relationships are meant to be forever.
I am sorry that you are at this crossroads, but you have a decision on his part it seems.
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