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female
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anonymous
writes: Recently, me and my bf of 1.5 year has come to a discussion about our sexual needs.It is like this...i think guy tends to have higher sexual desire than girl...so sometime i do not want it at all nor do i want to help him up when he needs that...I see it as he should respect me even i don't want to do it and if he does masturbate himself next to me, it looks awful to me. He is my first bf and i am his first too. He told me i need to be matured about this and understand his needs.I know it is unfair for him. But this is how the society is like when a girl run naked on the street, ppl tend to accept it more than seeing a guy run naked on the street. We will take it in an offensive way if a guy run naked on the street.So, i told him about how i think.He thinks i am silly and need to grow up.Honestly, when i said i don't want it, i would rather he hold me tight and sleep with me rather than masturbating next to me. That make me feel uncomfortable. We had a talk, he came out with suggestion like i should care about his need and maybe i should give him a hand. I told him if i dont want to have anything to do with sex, i wouldn't even want to help him in that way. But he doesn't seem to understand it. So, we never really have a conclusion on this.I do admit sometime i am a bit harsh to him when he keep requesting that when i don't want it. There was a time when i was on pill, i have extremely low sex drive. He annoyes me with his act. But what can i do? when guy tend to have higher sex drive. Maybe i did it very wrong by pushing him away and that make him feel guilty for what he just did.I care about him and so does he. Ocassionaly, i have the needs to and he doesn't want it. He still give me some rub and stuff and let me masturbate next to him. But those ocassion were very rare, or that happen after we had sex. So, it is different.But he see the whole thing as i only have it when i want it but when he wants it, i don't care about it.How should i deal with this?Please advise me
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 May 2006): basically- us girls have double standards right? we think its perfectly fine to get ourselves off whilst lying next to a boy and they're not really complaining, but switch things around and we're like 'eww, gross!' it's impossible for a couple to want sex at exactly the same time as each other and generally men have a higher sex drive than girls. speaking from experience, i have an extremely high sex drive but my boyfriend would pretty much have sex 24/7 if he could. i've sort of got used to this and tend to compromise by giving him head when i'm not in the mood for sex. having said this, you're not his slave! if he loves you he should respect you and i think he should consider your needs rather than constantly insisting that you don't care about his. i can understand with a first boyfriend that it's not very comforting when he behaves like this. personally i think the key is compromise. explain that you're not being unreasonable and sometimes it can't just be about sex, you need some cuddle time! but you should also be prepared to maybe sacrifice yourself sometimes- you shouldnt have to put out when you're really not in the mood, but relationships are about give and take. every couple is different and you need to come to your own compromise if you really love him. if he carries on being selfish then you know what to do girl! hope this helps x
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