A
female
age
41-50,
*8
writes:i've been seeing a guy for over 4 months. i fell in love with him and he fell in love with me. he had just come out of a long term relationship which he lived with her. he got his own flat and everything was great until 5 weeks ago he said that he needs some space to be able to do his own thing.he says that he doesnt want a g'friend/b'friend relationship as he wants to b able to do what he wants, when he wants.he says he still loves me but were only seeing each other once a week and hes showing me hardly any affection. he says that he doesnt want me to think hes trying to have his cake and eat it (re affection) but i need affection. hes 27,im 23 we both said to each other that we think were each others "one". i really dont know y hes doing this, i try and talk to him but he doesnt really open up to me. he says that he enjoys spendin time with me and that im fun to be with and i make him laugh- so what is his problem? i dont know how long i should wait for him or whether i should wait for him anymore. i dont want to rock the boat and have it out with him because i dont want to loose him - i really need advice as to what to do and what your thought are about why he might be doing this.help me please!!!
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male
reader, DJ8433  +, writes (14 July 2007):
 Which way do you want to turn? I'm not being funny right. You sound very upset with the entire situation. When I get that way, what I do is take a few steps back and let the emotion run out of me. I have to be by myself to think. I personally try to avoid drama, if he's a man, he will too. Try not to create more drama and relax. You know what the best decision is for you better than anyone else. What do you want?
A
female
reader, k8 +, writes (14 July 2007):
k8 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe both agreed that it was going to fast and that we shouldnt see each other as much (we were seeing each other every day and i was staying at his nearly every night) so we had a talk and we were both happy if we saw each other 2-3 times a week. then the next day i went to one of his female friends virgin vie party. i have a problem with this friend- shes 39, married (not happily), 2 youngish kids and she makes funny comments all the time suggesting that maybe someting had gone on with them in the past. anyway i took a good friend with me but after an hr and a half i got sick of her comments and we descideed to leave. she saw us out but preceeded to launch into his past relationships saying that he can be a 'bad boy' and that i would have to watch him, that he had cheated on g'friends in the past and then went on to talk about his ex g'friend saying that she was a mouse and a right 'sad sack' and that although they slept in the same bed in the last 6 months nothing happened between them but then said that 'it wasnt like he wasnt getting any from anywhere else'!! i didnt know what to think but i didnt rise to the bait when i came out i asked my friend what i should do and she suggested that i go round to his and talk to him about it- which i did, he said that she does this to all his g'friends and its only coz shes unhappy in her marrige that she does it. but it really makes you think. . . then he rang me t nxt day to say that she had turned round and said that it was me asking all these questions about whether he had cheated on his ex!! and he said he didnt know what to believe!!! that broke my heart (he has real trust issues-dont know y). so then he suggested that we see each other once a week coz he needed his own space to do his own thing- which i understand but its gone from one evening a week to 2 hours a week b4 he starts work or 2 hrs after hes finished work.
he says that at 27 he can control his urges and that he can go '3 or 4 months' without sex and that isnt a priority for him - but i feel totally unloved and i dont know if hes stringing me along. i'm scared of pushing him but i really just want him to open up to me and talk to me i want to help him. theres also a girl whos after him and he talks to her more than he talks to me at the gym (where he works) and he didnt talk to her b4 all this started.
i dont know which way to turn.
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A
male
reader, DJ8433 +, writes (14 July 2007):
Sweetie, You may have been a rebound, but it doesn't matter why he's doing it. He is. You are only in control of yourself, not him. You're young, let him go. There's approximately 150 million men in the US, there's one out there for you. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't want to be with you anyways? It's you're life, take your control back. If he calls, tell him your busy with friends that night or you had a long day and your tired. If he goes without seeing you, he's either going to make more frequent attempts to see you because he misses you or your going to be able to tell if you're just a booty call. My question to you is, What do you want? [email address blocked]
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (13 July 2007):
 Maybe it is just how he said and he just needs a bit of time to himself.
He has told you he still loves you and when you spend a little less time together that is generally when you realise how much you do or don't like and want to be with someone.
Only you can decide wether you want to give him some time and how much if you are willing to.
Bare in mind that he had just come out of a long time relationship when you met so he had no time to himself, maybe he thinks things are moving a bit too quickly between you two so he's just trying to slow it down abit.
Take care.xx.
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