A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My ex use to think I was hot - until he started chatting up other women. So I became bitter and jealous. We were together losely - nothing serious, but I guess I was annoyed he was looking elsewhere.However now he has gone off me altogether and just sees me as a bitter and jealous woman. I hate the fact he sees me this way - but how was I meant to react? Should he expect me just to put up with that behaviour?To make matters worse - he thinks I am asking his friends about him and what he is up to and even called me a gossip which I'm not.How can I make him see me in a better light? We used to get on well and now he thinks the worst of me. Even my friends can't understand why he has treated me like this, as they say I'm a nice person. Will he ever like me again?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your comments.
At first I thought I was the one in the wrong - but yes you're right - he is an A-hole who doesn't like having his flaws pointed out! And he is trying to make ME feel bad by calling me the gossip!
A
female
reader, Mvpo81 +, writes (14 March 2015):
Walk away, you need to find your self confidence and self worth . He has no right to treat you like that and even more so you should not allow yourself to be treated like that. He will either see sense or you'll end up finding some one who treats you how you deserve.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (14 March 2015):
 Then KEEP ignoring him. If anyone asks, just say I have no clue as I don't talk to him. END of story. Don't go into elaborate, he thinks this or that explanations.
Just pretend he is a total stranger.
Sooner or later HE will be the one look odd for keeping this grudge. Most people don't like to have their flaws pointed out. Some take it as a deep offense, other just don't care.
Don't MAKE him more important in your life then he is.. He is an sorta ex.. so treat him as such.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes - you're right there Honeypie! He's on the defensive - but I just wish he would be rational about it. I hate leaving things on bad terms - but he won't speak to me so...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 March 2015):
Ignore him and his notions. They really don't make you bitter or a gossip because HE thinks so.
My guess is he went on the offensive when you told him off for chatting up other women. It's easier to talk SMACK about you then own up to his own lewd actions.
Why even CARE what this man thinks?
Go on with your life, BE that good person people who KNOW you thinks you are, and that YOU are - and SCREW what he thinks.
The man thinks entirely to highly of himself.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): Don't blame yourself.You were bitter and jealous FOR A REASON. Most women, myself included, would become bitter and jealous if our boyfriend was chatting up other women AND looking elsewhere.You have nothing to apologize about.You are who YOU are and you were just reacting to WHO HE IS.Good thing he is such an A-HOLE. Because now you are free to find yourself a man who is worthy of you.So be good to yourself, ok? Let go of all that baggage with him and feel happy about yourself and your life. Start smiling again and you will see that a new man will be gravitating towards you in no time. One who does not make you feel jealous. Because feeling insecure in any relationship all the time can be very hard on your emotions. Not good.If a man is making you feel jealous or bitter, then that is a big sign that the relationship isn't and will never be working.Take care.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2015): It really shouldn't matter what he thinks of you. It didn't workout, and your jealousy is mainly the reason. You're a mature woman, not a teenage girl searching for acceptance and approval. You can't win them all.
You can't understand why he is treating you like what? You were bitter and jealous; so his reaction is in accordance to your behavior. In all honesty, his approval-rating of you is irrelevant. You know who you are, and your friends know who you are. You made a bad and lasting impression, and even admitted it. Shake it off!
If you've changed, that's a big IF... it's best to start fresh or continue with people who can appreciate you for who you are now. His liking you adds no validation to who you are, nor should it be your mission to make him like you. You had your chance, so grow-up and let him and all that nonsense fade into the past. You'll find moving forward is much more productive and satisfying. There's no denying he saw you for what you were at the time; as far as he's concerned anyway.
To clear your conscience, send him a "short" heartfelt letter of apology; as a gesture of goodwill. Never to bother him again. Require no reply. He wants nothing more to do with you, and that should be respected. Men don't go deaf, dumb, blind, and asexual; because they're involved with you! Jealousy, when it gets out of hand, is an insecurity. Insecurity kills relationships.
Deal with your remorse and guilt. Don't hold him, nor yourself, emotional-hostage for not accepting your bad behavior back then. Hindsight is always 20-20! If you've truly learned your lesson, things will go much better with the next guy. That's really all that matters.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (14 March 2015):
 What difference does it make how he sees you? He is not your man, you are not together so whatever he thinks of you has no bearings on who you are. Perhaps you are overbearing because even after he abandoned you, you ruminate over a relationship that is long dead. Your ties with him are over and anything you have to say or do about it at this point may seem a righteous indignation that you feel you deserve but from his perspective it is a confirmation that he needs to run away from you as far as possible. Not only does he feel he made a right decision but probably some angst as to why won't you just go away from him. He maybe a womanizer and you may hold a much higher moral ground than him, but all that is irrelevant because you two are nothing to each other and anything you do can be construed as threat to him. My advice is to stop saying anything to him, about him to anyone and find a set of friends that has nothing to do with him. Remember that your relationship with him is over and nothing you say can ever fix it.
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