A
female
age
26-29,
*jl
writes:On the verge of breaking up, my boyfriend and I had a talk about whether we should be together or not. We don't have a lot in common so we really don't have much to talk about, as in deep passionate conversations that is.. Now I am terribly bad at explaining things. He asked why I think I love him or care for him, I simply responded with qualities that I adored about him and the sweet things that he does that's so heart filling but it didn't seem like a good enough answer. At the moment i was questioning if maybe whether we were just forcing this relationship and maybe that was the reason I couldn't explain to him why I love him so I said "idk why I'm in this relationship." As I said that I was only thinking about how earlier that day he brought up how we don't have much to talk about and not the feelings that I have for him. I didn't mean for it to seem like I'm in this relationship because I'm lonely but I'm in it because he makes me feel a way I just simply can't describe but me being the great explainer that I am, he took it the way anyone would. Now he thinks I've led him on and that my feelings aren't true. Is it bad that I can't explain why I love him or why I'm in this relationship?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 December 2016):
 You may love him but if you don't have much in common then you will struggle on what to say to each other. Also a lot of people struggle to explain there feelings so don't worry. If he feels you led him on then that is his beliefs. Just be honest with him and tell him that you love him but you don't think you should be together because you both have nothing in common, then wish him all the best and delete his contact information. It will be difficult but it will be the right thing to do if you feel things are not working out. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2016): The fact you don't have much in-common is why you don't have much to talk about. You're probably going through the motions of a relationship; or it's running out of steam.
Relationships require communication to keep them going. I don't think he was actually demanding you to tell him why you love him; in an indirect way he is asking "if" you love him. The lack of communication doesn't reinforce any kind of real emotional-connection. He's just your boyfriend, because you want a boyfriend like other girls.
I don't think your boyfriend is only concerned because you can't tell him why you love him, I don't think you do much to show you appreciate him and you may not be reciprocating. He needs feedback to know where his feelings are going. Like most young relationships, they are short and have an expiration-date not too long after they start.
They're more trial-runs than real relationships. Others are quite intense and have real depth, when the couple is properly matched from the very beginning. This is rare, and doesn't occur in very young relationships as often as youngsters think it happens. Most are caught-up in romantic fantasy. You learn realness over time and experience, with maturity.
Lots of people don't want to be lonely, and they will commit to the first person that asks them to. They accept the feelings coming their way, but don't do much to reciprocate what they are receiving. They're just receivers but not givers.
He may now feel an urge to move on, because maybe there is no real connection between you. He may feel he's putting more into it than you are. You just told him how nice he is and listed all his good qualities. His best male-friend can do that.
You were forced to tell the truth. You don't know why you're in the relationship. That was what you call a "Freudian Slip!" What you truly feel is verbalized involuntarily. You should know why you want a boyfriend, or you're not ready to have one. He wasn't asking you to define the meaning of love. He wants to know if or why you really love him?
If you really look at it, you might have lead him on unintentionally. You were lonely, most girls your age want and have a boyfriend. He's nice to you and he likes you; so you accepted his request to be his girlfriend. If he feels he's getting little to nothing in return, it will prompt him to ask what's going on? That doesn't make you a bad person. It could mean there's no chemistry there, and nothing much you two can share. There are no interests or activities that you hold in-common with each other. You need conversation for stimulation, and to strengthen the relationship; and be able to express your feelings for each other. It's commonly called bonding.
How do you show him you love him? Other than with sex, that is. Do you do nice things for no reason? Think about him all the time? Thank him out of the clear blue for the nice things he does for you? Remember his birthdays, know his favorite color, the color of his eyes, his favorite sports team, talk for hours and hours about your plans and goals? Playfully tease each other? Share what's happening in your life, and ask him what's happening in his? Touch his face, stroke his hair, and lay your head on his shoulder, or in his lap? Do you automatically grab his hand when you stroll together? These are things we do when we love people. Forgive him when he says and does stupid guy-stuff? We show affection and demonstrate our feelings. We put the icing on the cake by telling them so.
The secret is, all this happens spontaneously without a thought; because it comes naturally when you really feel something for that person. Just relax and think about it.
He put you on the spot, and that sort of put you in shock.
Sit back and let your mind wander. If nothing comes to you about why he means anything to you, perhaps he's right. There may not be anything really there for him.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (1 December 2016):
 "I simply responded with qualities that I adored about him and the sweet things that he does that's so heart filling but it didn't seem like a good enough answer" - it should have been good enough; it's a decent explanation.That said, if you don't have enough to talk about, maybe you're not compatible enough, despite the feelings.
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