A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was in an online relationship for nearly 4 years until i met and made a friend. Through this new friendship i realised wanted i really wanted from a relationship. It made me realise that my online relation wasn't the "great" thing that i had thought it was and it was just there because i had never really experienced anything better. As time passed and i got more and more comfortable with my new found friendship i started to get more and more impatient with my online bf. I started to lose my patience, as the many problems with that relation became apparent to me and i decided to finally break it off with the online person for good. However my online bf chooses to still hold on to our relationship and hopes for a reconciliation despite the fact that more than a year has passed since we broke up. God knows i wanted "us" to work out as well and i wanted him to be the person he just isn't. He still writes to me sometimes which makes me feel sad and upset. I dont reply to him ofcourse since i have already told him to move on a million times to no avail. we are both single and i keep wondering if i should consider getting back together with him but then i fear that i might be doing that out of all the wrong reasons. I wonder if i can change him to be what my "friendship" has made me see that i want from a guy? In his few last communications he did insist he can change to be what i want but is that a fair thing to expect from him and make him do? Can he really change to be someone i want and is it worth it to try and go through the whole process with him? we already did spend 4-5 yrs together already although to be fair at that time we werent really addressing these concerns. I know he would definitely find someone who will accept him for who he is but he isn't trying to find that someone and i'm not sure i'll find someone for me either. Suggestions, Advice, Prayers are welcome.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2009): It sounds like you know what you want already. Have you spoken to the friend to see whether it could go further?
You have already told the online guy that you don't want to continue and he just won't accept it. Can you block him from emailing you? Sounds harsh but he won't take no for an answer. People don't change and it is much better for him to find someone who likes him the way he is; perhaps you could tell him this before you block him.
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (18 May 2009):
No it's not fair to ask him to change.
Plus, why would you want to date someone who is playing a character out of desperation rather than being themselves.
Your online ex AND you need to get out in the real world and meet some new people.
Go and do something new and meet some new people. He should do the same.
Good Luck!! xx
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