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age
41-50,
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writes: Dear Cupid,What's the best reply to a man that says he's lonely. We've just started dating and he says that he can't live life alone. I used to live in this romantic town in Spain and after I had left he visited the same town, he told me that he missed me and wished he had met me there. He said that everyone seemed to have enjoyed sightseeing arm in arm girlfriends and boyfriends there and the scenes except him because he was lonely. How do I broach this? All I said was that there'll come a time when he can visit again with good company because he's still young. And when he mentions that he can't live life alone, all I say is that no one can live on their own. Have you got better answers? Many thanks. x Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Depending on the tone if he'd said it just the once I would think he was just candid. You told us he 'mentions' meaning he's said it a few times (adding a fatalistic 'I can't live alone'). If that is so then I think it a bad sign. Bored, clingy, self focussed, a bit pathetic.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe met online shortly after me leaving this nice little town and we were not even dating at the time- mind you we live continents away and he finally travelled to see me and we've gone out a few times so far. He mentioned he was lonely on our third date; Do you think he was testing the waters or just sounding pathetically bored and lonely?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): So why did he not take you to that romantic town with him if he is so lonely? How often are you getting together every week? That will tell you how lonely he really is or NOT!
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female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 He sounds clingy and immature and possibly looking for someone who will buy him a way out of his country. I would not be available for him anymore.
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female
reader, Ciar +, writes (15 January 2012):
I'm inclined to agree with the anonymous female poster below. You've only just started dating and he's already talking like this? That is a very bad sign and if I were you I'd be distancing myself from him. Joining a gym, taking a class or doing some kind of volunteer work are blatantly obvious solutions. He hasn't tried them not because he hasn't thought of them but because he can't be bothered. He'd rather sit and complain about it to whomever is willing to listen. And you wouldn't be the first to have suggested them. So I wouldn't waste any time or effort trying to help him. Once you start down that path you'll see that is pretty much all you and he will ever talk about.He is lonely because he isn't really interested in others beyond what they can do for him. He isn't good company, a good friend or a good partner. Once people get to know what he is really about they high tail it out of there. The best response to one of his fatalistic remarks is 'Are you trying to turn me off? If so, it's working.' He's too wrapped up in himself to care what you think and when he continues in the same vein you'll have all the proof you need.
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female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (15 January 2012):
 Hi Tula,
You gave your friend perfect answers. It's about making him feel better, give him hope and motivation. Why don't you suggest him to join a gym, start exercising and hopefully he can meet people. I think when someone says they are lonely, best thing is to go out and socialize. I have a friend in a similar situation right now, also you listening to him helps, letting him talk about his feelings help. I hope your friend feels better and hope he can find peace and happiness.
Best wishes/good luck
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2012): I don't think this is romantic at all...I think being unable to live life alone, being focused on how lonely one is, is not a good thing....one does not need to be in a romantic relationship to not be "alone" - that's what friendships are other family relationships are for! A person who's strong enough to be happy while single, will be even happier if and when they find the right mate. A person who can't live life without a romantic partner and is focused on their loneliness, won't be satisfied or stop feeling lonely even if they find someone.
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