A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I need some advice with the guy I like, please??A guy from college texts me and talks to me on msn every day. If we’re not on msn, he texts me and if he’s online he usually starts a conversation straight away. He remembers stuff about me, teases me but is really nice too. We open up to each other and he always cheers me up.But he doesn’t talk to me in person. When I see him we ignore each other as we’re both really shy. We can’t convert our msn conversations into real ones and only talk when we’re out and supposedly been drinking.He also seems pretty close to one of the girls in college. For all I know they could just be good friends but I get really, really jealous. I catch him glancing over at me sometimes and I know he notices me. He just doesn’t seem interested in college. I know I behave the same way around him, and I fancy him, but he seems to play it cool a lot more than I do.Basically, I’d like to know what he’s thinking. I know I should ask him but I’m too scared! So what are the alternatives? And does he like me too?Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): We all have places where we aren't comfortable and so struggle to conduct a relationship there. His is obviously college, and he handles that by playing it cool. That's fair enough as schools are an absolute nightmare of human behaviour -- imagine if he greeted you and you were bitchy, those other girls would pay him out about that forever.
So take him somewhere he is comfortable. Then see what he is like in person.
Ask him online what his interests are, and use that to go somewhere where he likes, somewhere you can see him in his element, where you can see the real him. Now you know why lots of girls develop an interest in cars or wrestling :-)
Then take him to a place *you* like. Somewhere you are relaxed, he gets to see the real you, and because you are relaxed he can also be his real out-of-school self.
Also, keep things cool at school. Don't go somewhere and then tell all your friends at college about it. The first rule of Fight Club is...
If you do decide to continue with him, then acknowledging each other at college will become easier as the two of your grow together -- he won't have to worry about what you think of him on top of all the other human behaviour stresses of college.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2010): Hi,
I really think you need to get yourself out of your nonverbal holding pattern...There are a couple of possible scenarios. Firstly, it could be that he is genuinely interested and is not sure how to make the transition, as you, or it could be that he is only interested in flirting with you for an ego boost. The only way to know is by talking to him in person and seeing his body language.
Have you asked him while you are chatting on MSN to hang out sometime in person? If you don't feel confident enough to walk straight up to him, maybe you could suggest whilst you're on MSN that you meet for a coffee, tea, juice...whatever, the next day (make sure that it does not involve alcohol).
If he agrees....great! Go from there!
If he acts strangely, then leave the situation alone. Stop talking to him on MSN. I have known a number of guys to chat to lots of girls online that they are not seriously interested in, they are doing it for fun, to see how many girls desire them. Some guys hold many conversations at the one time...
Either way, it is best to get out of the MSN and text scenario, you don't know who he is with while he is talking to you or what he is doing. You cannot see his body language and know if what he is saying to you is true.
I think it is best to leave that form of communication to someone you know you have a bond with. It can be useful to start conversations, but they need to move into the physical world fairly quickly.
Good luck!
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