A
female
age
36-40,
*err
writes:Hi. I want to know how I should deal with my relationship that I am very unhappy in. I have a 7 month old daughter with my boyfriend of 2 years. Before I reached my seventh month in pregnancy, my relationship was perfect. We were happy, we enjoyed spending time with each other. Now, I don't know what happened. He cannot even stomach to kiss me. I didnt do anything to him. He told me the other day, "If I knew that you were this way, I would've preferred someone else from the beginning." His explanation of me being miserable is my voicing my opinion of his wild behavior that he developed. When I was seven months pregnant, he brought home herpes pills from the doctor one morning. When i found out i was pregnant, he gave me crabs. I love him, I honestly do, but he doesn't. I keep hearing stuff about him and women. And he keeps on denying it although there is ample proof!I find it hard to leave him as he lives with my daughter and I. He won't leave because he has nowhere to go, and yet we are unhappy together. He is very jealous yet he doesn't show me any affection at all. When we do have sex, his mind is not there. It's just a fuck and thats all.His squaddy (police partner) disrespects me, and I feel that everyone in our towns knows the truth and looks down on me or feels sorry for me. I feel that I am the only one not facing the truth and is in complete denial. Whenever I am in a good mood and I go around him, just the feel of the environment depresses me. He shows no genuine interest in the progression of our child. He tells me that I am fat when other men on the road compliments my figure. He talks down to me that really affects my esteem. Yet I want to continue trying with him because of our child and at the same time I want to go. I know that it will eventually end, and it will probably end dreadfully, but I really fear that. I don't want to accept reality because I really want it to work out. Even though he is like that. I honestly want to get out, but I don't know how. I guess I am afraid to because he hits me very hard (like how he would hit criminals on his job - he is a police officer). I guess I am afraid to lose my life yet I smoke extensively and try to figure out ways to die immediately. I know that is selfish because I have a daughter, and I want to be around for her, but he makes it hard for me to. Because many times he makes we feel insignificant and try to figure out ways how to die instantly. I start drinking, smoking weed and cigarettes ALOT! I hope one day I could knock out and never come back. I am on a warning at my job because of tardiness, I have no interest in my life - especially my job, and I have a job that I used to love and enjoy what I do. What can I do? I desperately need your help - please.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2007): Im 22 and have 2 babies, i was with my boyfriend (the father of my children) for 4 years and i left him recently for suspecting he cheated on me, i know how you feel when you say that people look down on you and feel sorry for you, i feel the same. but 6 months ago i never believed i could even pack my bags to leave my boyfriend when he was going out getting drunk and not coming home, but now ive managed to leave him and do you know what its not so bad, as long as you have youre friends and family you will be fine, if he works he has to pay for youre daughter, you say you live together and he hasnt got nowhere to go? more reason to chuck him out! he needs a wake up call by the sounds of it, you need to be strong. dont let this bloke treat you like rubbish, you carried and gave birth to his baby and this is how he repays you? law down the law, youre in the driving seat, take control of youre life. if he just goes off and makes matters worse then youre better off without him, remember how young you are, thats what finally made me leave my boyfriend. remember what you wanted your dream man to be like? is your boyfriend like that? if you stand up for yourself youll make youre life alot better for you and youre baby, only you can make your life what you want it to be. my heart goes out to you, imagine i have 2 babies!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): I am so sorry to read about your dreadful situation! I totally agree with Danielepew. It is difficult for you to see the situation objectively because he has damaged your self esteem. You deserve a better life and believe me you can have that! You just need to take the steps to free yourself from this situation. Invest more effort in your job, so that you can rely on your income. Rent your own place with your little girl so that you and your child can be safe. You do not deserve to be treated this way and and she should never have to witness abuse, or she will grown up being damaged. This is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to keep her safe!!!! Ask for help from a family member to give you some support in this time or see if you can find a support group or organisation for abused woman in your area.Go to the police and file a complaint against your partner for abuse and get some legal advice to get your partner to pay your child support. Even if he works at the police, they would have to take you seriously or you could report their police department!Never, ever drink or use drugs again, for yourself and the sake of your child. You are a responsible adult and your daughter depends on YOU to give her a chance in life. If you are addicted, get help now.Sorry this all sounds harsh, but you must face up to reality. You should absolutely leave this man or your lives will be ruined.You have used a lot of courage to ask for help, which shows that you are ready to make big changes in your life and you CAN DO IT! START TODAY!!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Yes, you desperately need help, and I hope these comments of mine do help you.
I don't really know where to start, but, for God's sake, stop the weed and the smoking, the drinking. Whatever your problems, your unborn child is absolutely innocent in the matter, and deserves the chance to be born healthy. You don't want to spoil an innocent baby's life before she or he is even born, do you? What would you do with a mentally retarded child? is that what you want from your smoking? I'm so sorry to be this harsh with you, but, this situation requires that I shake you a bit.
I'm not sure about the law in Jamaica, or whether they would work in your case, since he's a policeman. Some policeman, I say. But, file a complaint against the bastard! His beating you is in itself wrong, but his beating a pregnant woman is just horrible! He won't stop unless you stop him. And, if a complaint won't work, LEAVE HIM NOW! This life is hell for you, for your daughter, who gets to see the beating, and for your unborn child. You need to understand that you deserve respect all the time, and special considerations in your present situation. If you want to die, then this relationship is making you miserable! Leave him now! This is the only way to deal with this situation!
You can't afford to lose your job. This man will walk out on you the minute things get "harder" for him. You and your two children just have yourself to rely on; whatever happens, don't lose that job.
You need to understand, with your heart, that this man is a bastard. Let's see: he doesn't treat you right, he beats you, he has things with other women, and he lets other people disrespect you! Why should you continue to be with him anymore?
He is not worth one of your tears or one second of your time. Leave this man, and leave him now! And, file a complaint against him!
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