A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys. I'm a single mom, I'm stuck in a rut. I've been seeing this guy for a year now. We've had some major ups and major downs. Lately though, it's just all downs. He's befriended a waitress at his local bar (he goes just about every day) - she is 24 and he is 45. They text and hang out where he used to hang out with me. He swears there's nothing romantic going on and I want to believe him so badly. He is lying about some things though, I know it. He was texting her while we were having drinks together on a weekend out of town and my friends are all telling me he is seeing somebody behind my back and lying. They are just about done with me because I am essentially choosing him over their advice. Last night is a perfect example of what's been going on: we met and we talked it through, I believe him, we kissed goodbye and 'see you later' in my car and he said he was going to play pool and get something to eat. I sit at home and stew over it until I lose my mind and texted him, he doesn't answer (his phone may as well be surgically attached to his hand and he used to answer and say sweet things) then I crazily decide to have my friend sit at mine while my son sleeps and I drive by where he said he was and drive by his house and he's not at either place. This keeps happening. Is it possible that I am being all out insane? He says his friendship with her is the same as my friendship with my exes (My exes and I have kids who are friends) but he just met her 3 weeks ago so I don't think it's the same. He is just slipping away and I'm so sad and I think my suspicions have some ground but he just tells me I'm not being fair because he can do whatever he wants and I don't get to question it - except he is lying to my face, which isn't kind. The other day he and I talked and made love after we talked and I left his place and he said he was going to the store and I saw them sitting having drinks together. I wish I just knew.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (4 May 2016):
 Yes I'm all for catching out liars... good for you. Now is the time to heal, and not come out damaged, nor go crazy with thoughts of revenge…
Take Care - CAA
A
female
reader, Ivyblue +, writes (4 May 2016):
 I think you do know, the problem is you don't want to accept it. Suggesting it's you not being fair most certainly is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. If you are in a committed relationship with someone you don't get to do whatever it is you want and if it doesn't feel right of course you get to question it. That line of thinking is for someone single. He may be telling the truth by saying there is nothing romantic going on, but that you hardly need romance for sex. Sounds a bit like selective truth to me. Just because you are a single mum, doesn't mean you have to be with this type of slapper for the sake of some sort of family type feeling of security. The only thing you need to believe is somewhere out there is decent man worthy of being your better choice of partner.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 May 2016):
 I am sorry that you had to see it to believe it, I hope you don't give him a chance to talk you around.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2016):
 So have you finally kicked him to the curb?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2016): Well, however crazy, I did bust them this morning - red handed. So my gut was right. Just devastating. Thanks for your reply to my first post.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 May 2016):
I'm not going to sugarcoat my answer, OP.
You are SO down the river of denial.
He is using you, while buttering up her, or rather... "grooming" her.
Your friends are right and I can see why they are SO frustrated with you. Because your denial makes you seem so desperate and well, desperation is really unattractive, it's a little sad even.
And if I look closer at your post, you are beginning to act like a total loon. Driving by places he is supposed to be. YOU LEAVE your son at home sleeping (yes you had a friend watch him... great) so you could go out and "stalk" your BF.
I'm betting you might even have considered stalking him without having a friend look after your sleeping son, just because you are now so obsessed with keeping your BF.
Can't you see how UNHEALTHY this relationship is? How it's making you do crazy things that isn't the NORM in a strong healthy relationship?
It's not hard to figure out. You can't trust the man. He is little to NO respect for you. He is making SUCH a bog fool out of you.
I will quote you:
"he just tells me I'm not being fair because he can do whatever he wants and I don't get to question it "
ARE you that desperate to HAVE a BF that you will put up with that kind of crap?
You KNOW what's going on. You don't HAVE to have it spelled out of catch him in the act.
Save that last bit of your dignity and tell him to go kick rock, then block his cheating butt on everything and WORK on moving on.
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