A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Should I get back together with my ex? I dated this guy almost a year ago we were together for 4 years before that. While dating, he did a lot of things to me. First everytime I wanted to hang out with my friends he would try to guilt trip me and make me feel bad for doing so even when they were other girls.Second whenever he wanted to do something I always did whatever he wanted no questions asked no whinning because I cared about him. Whenever I wanted to do something he would whine and whine until I either gave up or made me feel bad when we ended up doing what I wanted.Third he never defended me ever and even took those opportunities to blame me. Whenever I brought clothes or anything to his house, my stuff would get stolen by his little sister. When I told him to help me out and stuff he said it was my fault for bringing it over. I then stopped sleeping over and he complained about how I could just bring my stuff over. Finally after 4 years of all of that he decided to hit me. I was joking with him about something and he took it the wrong way and started hitting me with a potholder. It had a metal ring around it so it left bruises on my legs. I got up and tried to leave. He started crying and apologizing but I told him it was the last straw. I tried talking to him about all the other stuff but he never seemed to change. I tried getting advice from my friends and family but everyone kept telling me to get back with him that it was just a mistake. My mom even blamed me for what was going on. They said he wasn't the type to be abusive and it probably won't happen again. So I ended up getting back with him 2 weeks later I went to this camp like thing and because of the activities we had going on that weekend I came back with lots of bruises on my back. They hurt if I even moved. I told him not to touch me at all because it hurt that bad. He then decided he was going to squeeze me in a bearlike hug as hard as he could. I started crying because it hurt so bad. My mom saw it and told me to just lie down. He laughed about it. Now he swears he would never hit me again and that he loves me so much. I know he still loves me because he does whatever I ask him and waits on me all the time. Problem is I don't know if I want to be with him again? I mean if he was willing to hurt me in the past like that what's to say he won't again? I think he's attractive and all but I feel no desire to kiss him. I feel bad that he does so much for me but at the same time I don't know if I could be that way again with him.Do you think I should get back with him?
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get back together, my ex, no desire Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): Abusive relationships only get worse! Believe me, I know! Don't fall for his lies! He will say anything to get you back. Get away from him and don't look back! No body deserves to be treated that way. It is a disgrace that your mother blamed you for his abuse! I am thinking that perhaps, she too is in an abusive relationship.
You are young, and have so much time ahead of you! Enjoy life and stay away from abusive, controlling men!
A
female
reader, liv1143 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 absolutley not. no woman ever deseves to be hit by her man or by any man. ever. have more self-respect, you deserve to be treated with respect. and that does NOT include being hit by someone who is supposed to love you. please for your own sake, and of others who love and respect you, dont get back with him. hope ive helped in some way. :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): I agree with loving arms.
This relationship is abusive, fullstop.
Why be with someone you no longer desire and who has been so bad to you in the past and will be again, when you can at least try and find someone who is loving, caring and who will treat you well.
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A
female
reader, Confined +, writes (27 February 2009):
A abuser is always an abuser sorry that's usualy the just way it is
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A
female
reader, loving arms  +, writes (27 February 2009):
babe i rhink you have answered your own question, when writing it down surely you were amazed at how much you have put up with. Blokes like this do not change. You are worth so much more. A relationship is like a partnership 50-50 your relationship is so one sided your feelings and views barely count. This will only get worse. Ignore the opinion of your mum and others who encourage this relationship. Surely they're not thinking of your best interest. My daughter once said to me that when she's makes a decision about a relationship she pretends she advising a friend instead of herself. The answers you come up with are then honest and not made with your heart. Try it, read your letter and pretend you are an agony aunt, youll come to the correct answer. Good luck babe xx
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