A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So Ive been with my bf for 1 year. Ive just finished school and got a job but am living with my parents for a bit to save up some $$. I want to get an apartment in about 4-5months. I was telling my bf this (we live 1hr. apart) and he was like "gee if I didnt work such long days I'd maybe think of coming with you and commuting to work". I hadnt mentioned anything about him but took that as a good thing. He also talked about buying a house in the future too.Yesterday I said to my bf, "If I were to look at getting a place at the 1/2 point between where we live, what would you think of coming with me?". For someone who had brought up the topic a few weeks ago I was a little confused with his answer. He replied "Well maybe, but not right away. We can play it by feel." So I replied, "well I wanted to ask you because lots of places have waiting lists and Ive started looking. If you dont want to its fine, its just I wont get a place at the 1/2 point and we'll just keep having to commute 1hr each way. Its just that ill be tied into a 1yr lease so if u suddenly decide you want to get a place we'll be waiting til 2012"So we left it that I told him Im going to start looking in the town where I currently live. He again just added the "Well we will keep playing it by ear" -oh btw he lives at home right now too. He's doing the same in saving up money.Does anyone have advice as to why he pulled a complete 180? The way he talked a few weeks ago he talked like he had it all planned out and getting "our" first place. Now he seems scared. I don't get it. So if anyone knows why it is he would act like that, or advice as to what I can do about it, it'd be greatly appreciated, thanks
View related questions:
lives at home, money Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, OMG1980  +, writes (17 September 2010):
Something like this happened to a friend of mine. They were seeing each other for two years when he asked her to move in. She quit her job and was preparing to move to his city (he had moved for a job) when all of a sudden he changed his mind. Turned out he had met someone new at his new job. He broke up with her and started seeing that girl. Thank god she got her job back. My point is: there's a reason why he changed his mind. It might not be because of someone new, but if he's having doubts about taking your relationship to the next step, then there's cause to dig deep for reasons why.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2010): Sounds as if he likes the idea, but isn't quite sure of making the committment right now.
Honestly, I don't think it's a good idea for a woman to live with a man before marriage ..
...............................
A
female
reader, sarahrose20 +, writes (17 September 2010):
i went through this myself with my boyfriend. we have been together 4 years and three of the 4 years we were going to get our own place. we both lived in seporate houses and like you and your boyfriend a bit further apart. he always talked about moving in together as well. but just like your boyfriend whenever we got close he backed out. you might be ready to leave home for the first time but he obviously needs a bit more time. he wants to be with you and do what it takes to make you happy but is scared cuz once he steps out of his home with his parents his safe ground that has always been there its a whole new world. everything becomes your responsibility bills/rent/furniture/dishes/chores everything. it can be overwhelming him. my boyfriend and i have been living together on our own for 3 months now and not a day goes by when he doesnt see or talk to his family.
...............................
A
male
reader, Boy Blue +, writes (17 September 2010):
When "he was like "gee if I didn't...", etc I think it was something he said on whim, without that much thought. At least that's what it sounds like.
Clearly you have given this a lot of thought and I don't know if he has done the same. Either he has and he is just brushing off the idea or he just hasn't thought about it since life is comfortable for him. You might want to encourage him to give it some serious though since you are serious about it. The whole "lets play it by ear" seems careless. He may not be on the same page as you, so I would advise you to find out how he feels about the apartment thing.
...............................
|
