A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I've had a strange situation come up with a friend of mine. I am a lesbian and he is a straight male. We met about 2 years ago and have been close friends since then/hung out a lot. I knew his girlfriends, was privy to his hookup info, his type of woman, etc.The other night we were hanging out with a few of his other friends at his house and immediately after they left he tried to put the moves on me. He grabbed me and started kissing me, putting his hands all over me, etc.. also after making sexual jokes about me all evening (which wasn't THAT weird since we are both pretty sarcastic and have joked about that stuff before and nothing happened). I immediately freaked out and asked him what we was doing. He said he has had feelings for me since we met and I would be a "perfect girlfriend" and since we have been spending a lot of time together lately, he cant stop thinking about me. This honestly came out of nowhere and I was really shocked. He had been drinking a bit and I'm also sure was just horny (as his friends were making fun of him for apparently not having sex in a long time). I was eventually able to talk my way out and told him I needed some space and time to think things over even though he kept persuading me to spend the night and swore he would sleep on the couch and not touch me.He seemed to do a total backtrack the next day as I got several texts and Facebook messages from him apologizing and saying he didn't mean to make me uncomfortable, can I just forget what happened, he didn't want to ruin our friendship, etc. He claimed he had never had a close female friend that he was attracted to before and was confused/didn't know how to act. I told him I needed some time apart to think about things for now and that's where things are. I know he is a good person but honestly I feel uneasy and am not sure if I can be around him knowing how he feels. I'm not sure if I just need to give it time or if I would be a total bitch to completely cut him out of my life. Any thoughts?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): You would be a complete bitch to cut him out of your life without giving him closure first, but I think it's something you probably have to do.
You basically just discovered that he was never your friend, he was a guy with an agenda, waiting and hoping for a romantic miracle.
I wouldn't just cut and run, if he's a nice guy and has been good to you then he deserves closure on this.
Take your time, but try not to let him stew too long.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): You should cut him out of your life. I'm very much in the same position as him right now. I'm falling for my close female friend and she knows it. She says she can't return the feelings yet she still hangs out with me all the time, even when I try to avoid her. Its like a limbo that I can't bear being in anymore.
Your friend obviously likes you. The drunk don't tell lies, they only tell well-kept secrets. Being intoxicated relaxed him to the point where he finally revealed his true feeling for you. He won't want the friendship to end because he's still holding out hope that someday you'll fall for him too. He and I are both infatuated fools. You should be the strong one and end it. Its difficult but its the kinder option.
I also had to end a friendship with a close friend a year ago when she confessed to me that she thought I was funny and wanted to date me. I told her that I didn't feel the same. She said that she could move on knowing how I felt and still wanted to hang out but I noticed she would get jealous when I talked to other girls. She would also catch an attitude when I mention how sexy someone was. I was merely talking to her as a friend but she never accepted it on the inside. I had to end the friendship because I knew she would only keep feeling hurt around me.
This is why it is up to you to walk away from him. He isn't strong enough to do it himself.
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