A
female
age
30-35,
*optop197
writes:I say "friend" because he's a guy that I used to work with, and we get along pretty well, but we've never actually done anything outside of work. I kind of have a crush on him, but I have no idea if he likes me. After this incident, I'm even more confused. Anyway, before he left work (permanently) a week and a half ago, we talked about going to see the comedy show that one of our managers was doing. He sent me a Facebook message saying we should go, and I sent a reply telling him that I would totally be up for it, and I was excited. A couple days after this message exchange, I saw him on his last day at work and while he was hugging everyone else and saying goodbye, he said to me "I'll be seeing you in a week, so I'll say bye to you then" and he smiled. So I go to the show tonight, and I'm super nervous and excited, and then the guy never shows. I'm kinda ticked off, kinda disappointed, but honestly, before I left for the show I was thinking "I hope he actually shows up", but I was mostly joking. So I just got home and I sent him a message saying "You missed a mighty good show tonight, Mr *his last name*" And he sent me a response saying: ":-( I was wondering all day whether we were still supposed to go but I never asked on Facebook, so yeah that was my fault. I hope I haven't offended you *my name*, I really am sorry.I assumed we were going to go together to the show so I was waiting on a message.. but still no excuse either way. Hope you still had a good time and I'll probably drop by with an apology sandwich someday soon. What do you guys think about all of this? I noticed that he didn't suggest anything else we could do, which kind of sucks... For the most part I was pretty sure he only liked me as a friend, and that's what I thought this outing was. Just two friends going to a comedy show together. But does it sound like he was thinking it was a... date?
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female
reader, moptop197 +, writes (10 April 2012):
moptop197 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was going to Facebook him (we don't have each others numbers, so I couldn't text him), but it had sort of seemed like he was taking hte reins, so I waited for him to do it. I didn't want to make a bigger deal out of the outing than he thought it was, if that makes any sense. I was just being a shy, nervous, inexperienced girl. I'm not saying it was his fault, I'm just confused as to what he actually thought this was, and if he's being geniune (he's a really nice guy, so I have a hard time believing that he would make up excuses), and if this means that he was thinking of this as a date... I'm just confused about everything.
A
female
reader, moptop197 +, writes (10 April 2012):
moptop197 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionActually, the sandwich is kind of and inside joke between us. A while back, when I first met him at work, I was in on my day off shopping. He came over and said that he was really tired, and if I could buy him a coffee, (there's a coffee shop in the store that we work in) he would buy me one in return. So I bought him a coffee and that was that. Then later he came over and said "how excited would you be if the next time we worked together, I bought you the best, most delicious sandwich ever?" I said I could be pretty excited about that. So then the next time we worked together, he brought both of us sandwiches. And they were REALLY good, haha
So after that I would constantly tease him about bringing me another sandwich, which he did after I bought him a bagel from the same coffee shop. There was actually one time that I knew he was really tired, and his break wasn't for a while, and I had my break right then, and I said "I'm going on my break, and I'm getting coffee. Do you want coffee?". First he said sure, and then he said his break was soon, so it was okay, but he said thanks anyway. Later he came up to me and said "I think someone was fishing for another sandwich..." and gave me a cheeky grin. :-)
So the sandwich offer wasn't actually as lame as it sounds.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2012): You should have facebooked / texted (which is even better btw) on the day to check. It's not his fault.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Very very rude of him to stand you up. That was mean and nasty. Unless he was very ill, in traction in hospital then at the very least he should have phoned you.
Is he so disorganised that he just forgot?
His excuse was flimsy and unconvincing. He surely could have picked up the phone if he was not sure.
And an apology sandwich? Pathetic – tell him to keep his sandwich. That is not an apology.
Even if he was concerned that you might have seen it as a date surely he could have given you the benefit of the doubt? And understood that you were not going to be all over you.
He did not make amends by suggesting something else. Sorry but he would be history in my book. His actions lack any semblance of chivalry
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