A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was in a relationship in my late teens with a man ten years older than me that i met on the internet. He was actually my first serious relationship even though it was on those circumstances. We had a pretty decent relationship no lies, no issues. The only real problem was the distance. We actually lasted three whole years together. He wanted me to come live with him, he even wanted kids. I was just starting college and I didn't feel prepared to do so. To move to another state seemed like a huge thing to me at the moment. So then we stayed as friends. Anyways I had always told him to be happy to get a girl to have the kids that he always wanted. So he went on to date another girl ironically he meet her on the same circumstances he meet me. The thing is that she did agree to live with him in such a short time. While this was happening I myself was in another relationship so everything seemed ok to me. But then we both broke up our relationships and started talking to get back. It took me another relationship to realize what I had with him was perfect and I was willing to put aside my fears to be with him. But just two weeks into the reconciliation she came back to pick her things from his place, but it actually turned to be she had to tell him that she was pregnant. So he calls me and tells me whats going on and i just act out of anger and shock. I tell him not to call me anymore in a romantic way and he goes on to have this baby with her. That was lets say 8 months ago. I was in his city last week and we meet like we do to chat have a coffee what ever. We meet once, twice, thrice. And things got up to the point that we ended up talking our feelings out and before I left we kissed. Im so confused we passed from talking once in a while to texting all day long. And I really want to be with him, have no doubts he does too. And i'm thinking about the baby. I don't want to make things worst and loose him or worst make him loose his son. This baby might be born as I write this and I'm torn between wanting who i feel is the love of my life and stepping between him and his son.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 April 2012):
 Is he still with her? Or did she leave? Because that actually makes a big difference.
If he is still with her, I would back the heck up. Because he needs to FOCUS on his baby and GF, not some former LDR GF (you)
If he is NOT with her, well, then I guess you need to figure out if you even WANT to deal with all his baggage. I can tell from experience that dealing with a "baby-mama" can be exhausting and drama filled.
What I don't really get is why you go mad at him. You TOLD him to go out and get himself some babies and be happy. He may not have PLANNED to knock her up and then break up with her and get back to you, but sometimes thing don't go as planned.
He won't lose his son. Unless she moves far away and he doesn't take her to court for visitations.
Maybe what you need to do is give him a little space to figure out what is right for him.
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