A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I was introduced to a guy 6 weeks ago by mutual friends who said he'd been asking them to set us up for ages but warned me he was really busy with work and may not be free that often (that had been the reason his last girlfiend dumped him). From what I knew of him I really liked him. We have been out a couple of times and we also go to the same church. I thought we were having a good time when we went out - easy conversation, lots of laughing, he keeps apoligising that he is so busy, saying we must get together more etc. He also always comes up to chat after church and is really attentive etc, but then he can go a week without any contact, not even a reply if I text him to say 'hi, how's things?'. Other times he pops up every night on msn and chats for nearly an hour late at night for like, 5 days in a row. But he never seems to make any real plans which is frustrating. For example he has just bought a new car and said he would have to take me for a spin when he picks it up. I said 'great, I'd love to' but when I asked when he would get it he said he wasn't sure, sometime in the next couple of weeks and changed the subject.So, this past friday night I was on msn and we were chatting but I told him I had to go because I was meeting friends for dinner and he asked if he would see me at church on sunday morning. I said I was away all day sunday but would be back in the evening if he wanted to come over? He replied 'Lol, I might just do that'. I said 'great, well, let me know'.Well guess what, it's now 11pm on sunday and I've heard nothing from him at all.His friends tell me he likes me, he's just busy. I feel like if he really can't make the effort to even text me then he's not worth it. He's making me question myself and what I've done wrong (which is nothing by the way) and I hate waiting around to see if he will call or email all the time. The problem is we have friends in common and I will run into him at church. How should I act?
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female
reader, Dazed~Confused  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I think your instincts are right on this one. Why bother with someone who can't even take time to text you back. His lack of consistency must be frustrating, and to me a little suspicious. I have dated guys who were incredibly busy with their careers, travelled, the whole bit, but I never had to wonder if I would go days without hearing frome them.
I think that this guy is someone who is looking for something super casual, and is probably looking to keep his options open. Regardless, he hasn't been very considerate to you.
My suggestion for next time you see him is to just be confident. Don't ask him what happened Sunday. What he pulled was the classic guy tactic of "I'll be there if nothing better comes along". So, you need to show him that you could care less. That you have your own life, friends and interests, and that you aren't sitting around waiting for him to call or show up. If he asks what you ended up doing, just say "wouldn't you like to know". Either way you need to project an aura of confidence and fun.
I would also back off from contacting him for a while. Let him make the first steps. If he doesn't contact you, then you know to just move on.
Good luck!
A
female
reader, msjinx  +, writes (14 December 2009):
Hi
Firstly busy doing what...??? He can seem to find time to chat on MSN....!!
Seems like this guy is a MEME, this is because he is only worried about what he wants, where he wants to go, who he wants to see, when he wants to see people.
I believe he knows you will be there, for a chat after church, on msn etc so why would he make any more of an effort, you are there to chat to him when he wants it.
He obviously is very selfish and only worries about his own needs and wants, his job, his car etc,
You should really feel very sorry for this guy, he will be very lonely once he runs out of people who are going to have a relationship or friendship on his terms, there has to be give and take in every relationship even a friendship and it seems all he does is take.
No person is ever too busy to take time out for people they care about, friends or lovers.
My advise would be to just forget the whole situation, if he ever says anything to you about the incident "doubt he will" then just casually say OMG i am sorry, i had to go out and never even thought of it.......I hope you didn't wait long..??
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (14 December 2009):
you dont have a real relationship yet so just brush it off, like oh I got busy too its ok. But dont sit around waiting for him, get busy with your own life. Ask yourself if you can have a relationship where you get no attention. Only us oldies can handle guys who only talk to you now and then because we have learnt to not make a guy the center of our lives. We have our children, our friends, our hobbies, our careers, our gym classes, our volunteering, then finally our men. As you get more sure of yourself you can learn to make your man just another part of your life, not the centre where all your other decisions about other areas of your life revolve around him. Once you learn this, you won't even blink when a guy doesnt call. In fact, when he finally does call you can ignore it and call him another time when its convenient for you!! All the best
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