A
female
age
36-40,
*taunton5410
writes:I need some major advice from all you guys out there. Please just give me your opinion on this subject. I live with my boyfriend of 9 months. We are very happy together and a few months ago I noticed that he had been to porn websites. I asked him about it and he said that they were pop ups that had come up after he had visited a totally different website. Ok so after that I let it go. Now I am a very blunt person and I tell him that I like to watch porn but I prefer girl on girl because I dont like watching the guys. So we have actually watched porn together on t.v only if the girls were pretty. Now I noticed again that he was going to those same websites a few weeks later. I asked him again and he said it was because when me and him dont have sex, he is horny and needs porn to get himself off more quickly. I believed him. But here is the problem...Last night we did have sex and it was wonderful. Afterwards I went to bed and he went out to the living room, and came to bed later. This morning I woke up and he had been to more porn websites after we had sex. Is he addicted or something because he said that when we dont have sex he is horny and needs porn, but we did have sex. Please guys help me out here should I be worried about this or should I just ignore it? I dont think he cheats on me but I am worried that I am not enough and he needs to look and more naked women. All you guys out there reading this...Pleeeease tell me what the hell he is doing and what I should do.
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female
reader, Baldessari +, writes (24 June 2009):
He's an addict.
He's a liar.
He's inconsiderate.
He's supporting an industry that destroys women.
Is that enough?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Hi,I'm dealing with this same problem. My boyfriend looks at porn sites everyday but we only have sex maybe twice a week. The sex is good and I'm in good shape and happy with myself. The problem is not a high sex drive, The problem is him replacing real sex with masturbation. I've searched the internet for advice and the best I can offer to you is.....The problem is his, He is probably too insecure to ask for what he desires in the bedroom or not happy with his own performance. I am trying my best to not let this effect my self-esteem. He said he would stop once before And continues to lie about it. I'm giving him a choice....Me or the porn, Because there are plenty of men out there that would prefer the real thing, and we as women deserve that.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Hi - as a man I thought I'd add my opinion here. Firstly it's important to say that contrary to popular opinion, pornography IS addictive. It's just as addictive as alcohol, tobacco etc. I'm writing this as someone who is currently going through councelling and on an addiction recovery programme from my pornography addiction.
Your boyfriend might not be addicted to pornography... but - it's also clear that he doesn't only need it to help him "get off." The more often you look at porn the more of a habit it becomes. The more you look at porn the higher your sex drive will become. Men who justify looking at porn because of a high sex drive are just ignoring the actual problem that will go round in circles.
In fact, porn is much like any other drug in that once you've had a 'high' you often need a more extreme 'dose' to get the same high. This is the major danger from porn (and the reason I decided I had stop)... the more you look at it, the more extreme you need to get turned on next time... this is, unfortunately where a lot of sex crimes start from.
Sorry if this sounds all a little over reacting. I'm just trying to put it in context. Porn is not a 'victimless' pass-time:
Victim 1: You. Like you say, knowing your boyfriend is looking at that makes you feel of less value. You're not on your own - most women in relationships would feel this way (it's just the media who push the idea that it's normal and acceptable).
Victim 2: Your boyfriend. The more porn a person watches, the more they become less sensitive/aware of others. It's a selfish habit, and makes you have less empathy towards others.
Victim 3: The 'porn stars'. Most women who are in the sex industry (from strippers, porn stars - through to prostitutes) were abused as children. This isn't an opinion - it's a fact backed up by research.
Victim 4. In extreme cases porn becomes the path towards sex-crimes. It's a slippery slope.
I'm talking from the view point of someone who is trying to kick my porn addiction (not someone one some moral crusade).
Your boyfriend may not be addicted like I said earlier. However, if it's affecting the way you feel about your relationship and about yourself then he should be willing to at least talk about it and consider changing his habits.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Hey there, don't worry about this. Your guy likes porn. It's totally different from having the real thing. And a guy has to keep himself together this way, or else he won't be able to think of anything else.
Viewing porn is a fantasy trip. It's a creative pursuit of a sexual nature. It's relaxing in a special way. And frankly, a guy with a healthy taste for porn is much less likely to be shagging other women. It's even possible, given that release, he'll be able to pay better attention to the non-sexual parts of the relationship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Im in the same situation with my gf.almost 9 months. porn is not an addiction but an answer to a high sex drive. as long as his porn doesnt replace the good sex, dont worry. this rpoly occurs through the evoloutionary process of man trying to spread his genes. its normal.
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :)  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Hey Huni im sorry im not a man but i just wanted to say that you shouldnt worry just yet he probably just has a very high sex drive ya no men love it and women can be just as needy its not unhealthy and if it really bugs you and you dont feel your enough for him them talk to him about it or suggest he doesnt watch it without you :)
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