A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I've been with a man I met online for about seven months. I love him and he's told me he loves me. Everything seems fine - except... I know he still logs on and talks to people on the dating site we met on. He doesn't talk about it and I only know because I snooped. I know that's bad. We've both made it clear that we intend to be totally faithful. Since it's all fine elsewhere should I try to forget I ever knew this and carry on, or should I find some way of mentioning it?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): I dont know whether both of you have meet in person to getting know better? Before meet in person we never know what exactly the relationship going on... You will know when both of you already meet. Talking through net and real is totally different. If you found your "man" on dating site and seem still looking for others or making new relationship, maybe try to ask him directly about this but dont mention if you found him still flying around the dating site, never let him know that you are like spy on him. Ask him, if he really want committed to you and is he still keep active on dating site that both of you met? Get to know from his reason..and when you know his honesty answer just prepare yourself for unexpect answer. If his answer still looking for others..just leave him and keep friend with him. If he really want committed with you he will telling you the truth about his feeling and make action to keep your relationship. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Ditto on what BeHereNow said. Its the only way to be sure what he is really doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2007): I'd address it and explain to him how you feel and what you expect.
Logging online on a dating site does imply that he is still available and I would like to know if the man I was emailing or talking to was in a serious relationship so I could say...you know what, this isn't right that you are on a dating site-you're not available.
Honesty for everyone involved is needed.
He cannot correct his actions if he doesn't even know what he is doing is offensive, dishonest, and hurtful.
Just tell him I am have discovered you still have an account on dating sites and since we are serious dating and commited, I don't think it is necessary for you to still have accounts on such sites. Please hide profile/close accounts.
Always define the boundaries and expectations to avoid more hurt and confusion down the road or the famous I didn't know and it's too late now.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, BeHereNow  +, writes (18 February 2007):
 People would say it would be best to talk to him about it and get it out in the open, but if it were me and my boyfriend claimed it was all innocent I would constantly wonder if he was lying since he never told me about it in the first place. I had a boyfriend who always proclaimed his love and fidelity to me but I found these internet date sites on his computer. And then one day I suprised him at his apartment and he had an internet date there, who he claimed was a "friend," yet he never told me anything about her previously. All I got were a bunch of denials, and he kept saying he loved me, but in the end he turned out to be completely untrustworthy. I'm not saying that your boyfriend is like that. But if it happened to me again I would get a new screenname at the dating site, pretend to be someone else, email him because I found his profile interesting and strike up an email friendship. And ask if he has a girlfriend. I know it's sneaky and might be considered entrapment, but I just wouldn't know if I would get a straight answer if I confronted him.
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