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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been with my boyfirnd for 6years. we have broken up once and got back together. I called it a day as we were living in different cities and wasn't sure if it was what i wanted. We were apart for almost 5months, during which time he started to see his ex-girlfriend again. I was gutted when i found this out as they were school sweethearts and i always know it had broken his heart when she finished. However, 5months is a long time to be broken up and he thought that we were over for good so got on with his life. He and his ex are still good friends and she has recently been diagnoised with cancer. They went out together last weekend and he stayed over at her house. My problem is he didnt tell me until 2 days later. I know that nothing physical will have happened, but i just don't know if i am being too cool about the whole thing. i trust him but should i have made more of an issue out of this. He said he didnt tell me because he thought i would throw him out- he even packed his bag before he told me because he said he knew it was a sackable offence. Am i being too nice about this? Or is that i am not really that bothered about our relationship. Our sex life has become sporadic and im not really that bothered.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (15 February 2006):
 I think it was wrong of him to stay over at her place. Out of respect to you, he should have called to let you know. If a person has to hide something, there is usually a reason. The fact that she has cancer could be twisted to make you look bad. That's not true though. You still deserve the truth and his loyalty. He didn't give that to you. There are just certain things you don't do when you're in a relationship. That would be one of them. That really stretches the trust faactor about asa far as possible. Again, it puts everything on your shoulders tobe the bigger person in this. That's not fair.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2006): I'd say a delay of two days telling you he stayed over is 'acceptable'; if you were less level-headed, you would be entitled to chew him out, but since you're not, it's perfectly alright to let it slide. He was at least contrite about it and understood that he didn't handle it in the best possible way. You could remind him to be quicker about fessing up in future, if you really want.
Cancer is a hideous disease, and his ex-girlfriend is going to need the strength of all her friends and family combined to survive it. Perhaps you are being tolerant out of sympathy, which is perfectly natural. If your boyfriend and his ex are still close friends, it is important that he help her through this and spend time with her.
Good luck.
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