A
female
age
41-50,
*anniya
writes:my boyfriend and i had been together for about ten months when he was at work and his ex was meeting him there to drop the kids off with him. he went over to her truck to get his daughters backpack and she was playing with herself. he stopped to look and i guess went into some kind of "zone" she asked him if he wanted to have sex and he pulled it out. then she pulled him over and and put it in. when it was in, he freaked out and stopped and then grabbed her backpack and left. i am destroyed by this, and am just wondering if anyone else out there had something like this happen and what they did. he has no contact with her anymore other than texting about the kids, and i really believe that he's sorry. he shown me that he is, i just dont know how it would happen and how to trust him again. any advice is great. thanks.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (13 September 2008):
 Your b/f has a weak character. When he's faced with temptation he doesn't know how to say "no". Regardless of the fact that he supposedly stopped. It still went too far and that shows he has no restraint. Plus the only way you actually found out was because his "ex" spilled the beans. Guess what? If she had kept her mouth shut there probably would've been a next time, and a next time, and a next time, all the while you would've been thinking he's a darling, devoted man. Only you know if you can handle knowing this about him. Because from now on, you'll have to watch him like a hawk.
A
female
reader, tanniya +, writes (13 September 2008):
tanniya is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni found out about it from his ex. she called and told me, and when i confronted him he denied it. this went on for months, me worrying about it but him not wanting to say. finally he told me. i know that it didnt go through to the end because his ex told me that too. he's been very supportive and is willing and has sat down with me and told me absolutely every detail. im just so screwed up.
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A
male
reader, hurtandbitter  +, writes (12 September 2008):
How did you find out about it? How long after it happened did you come to know about it? If he told you about it on the spot you should at least give him credit about it. If he told you about it months later or, in the worst case you found out about it yourself it shows you can't trust him anymore.
The only reason for him to go on a "zone" is if he had been sexually deprived the whole time you two have been together. Even then it wouldn't be completely justifiable for what he did. He shouldn't even be thinking about other women when he's with you.
It's clear he cheated on you. He is most likely sugar coating the story and at this point might have even been there through the whole thing. He broke every chain of trust you had with him. Sit down with him tell him exactly how you feel and don't hold anything back. You don't have to go on a rampage but if he really cares and is really sorry he will at least sit down and take it. He owes it to give you all the details if you need them. You have the power to decide what the outcome is. He does not have the position to act out in defense. Learn as much as you can about it and observe how willing he is and what he actually does to make it work again.
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