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age
30-35,
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writes: Hi everyone! I need some help and would greatly appreciate any advice you have to offer. There's this guy that I work with who stares at me. At first I thought it was in my head, but when I look away and then look back, he's still staring. The thing is, I've tried talking to him and he sort of freezes up and stutters. When we're alone, he doesn't say or do anything. When we had a group meeting, he sat next to me, but one chair away from me. He didn't talk to me or anything, but he could have sat somewhere else but deliberately sat next to me.I caught him once looking at my desk area. He was sort of looking at my things and I had some work on my desk that he was looking at. (He left before I came back to my desk, so I couldn't say anything or start a convo.)The thing is, I'm pretty quiet too so this will probably go nowhere, lol. I just don't know how to read signs that a guy likes you and he's quiet so it's difficult to tell. I'm also hesitant because he's really cute and there's that voice inside of me saying, "Why would he like me? I'm not that pretty, etc."Do you think he is interested in me?Or have I missed the ball completely, and maybe he's just curious or something.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 April 2012): There are shy guys that only feel nervous about the initial situation of approaching a girl. Then once they feel more comfortable and relaxed around her, they can start and maintain conversations right away.But there are others that, not only shy, can also suffer from a lot of anxiety and have a lack of social skills, and that takes quite longer to deal with. It results in a person that is very quiet when next to another person and they often only talk when someone asks him something. It's not that they are rude or "anti-social", it's just because they actually feel very nervous and afraid of saying something stupid. If that person asks him something, he'll probably reply nicely and with a discrete smile, although possibly stuttering.And that's specially true when one of this guys is around a girl he secretly have some feelings for, because usually they don't have the self esteem to feel confident or even "worthy" of her, even if other men don't see her to be the usual example of a sexy girl. And that can actually be interesting because if he likes her anyway, it's because he finds her pretty anyway and likes her personality, which means he really likes her.If you say he looks at you and he stutters when you talk to him, maybe he fits this profile. But that's a "maybe".I'd say: take it slowly, briefly talk to him regularly while passing by, even only saying "Hi.". Few days later add his name ("Hi, Joe"). That way you keep a connection with him and he'll feel more comfortable do the same and specially to be the first to do it next time.Then, if you have trouble finding things about himself or things to talk about, see if he has a Facebook profile or something. Also, he might have an easier time to reveal itself to you by talking with him by email or Fb, because the pressure around it is a ton less than a face-to-face conversations(people have little time to think what to say). With time he might feel much more at ease with you in person and if both really like each other, you could start doing more things together like meals, movies, etc... either out or at home.Yes, it seems a lot of work for the female part, but it's all about confidence and trust. Due their closed personalities, guys like him don't have a lot of girls chasing them, and he might not respond that well if you instead "just go for it" leaving a note inviting him to coffee or something similar, that can be misunderstood, he might refuse/do nothing, thinking is a joke from someone or feeling too nervous to do it. Going out for a coffee is not that easy to very shy people, specially if the place is crowded.If you find out that he really fits the profile, and you feel that it's worth all the effort, I wish you both luck because you can be happy for a long time. :)
A
male
reader, tottenhamhotspur  +, writes (28 April 2012):
Getting over your shyness is a hard thing to do but sooo worth it!
My girlfriend and I would have been together 6 months earlier if it wasen't for that voice in my head telling me not to.
No good man is going to be a jerk to you for you asking him out. In fact, I would be more likely to fall for a woman with the confidence to ask me out, even if i hadn't thought about her like that before.
If he is rude or says no in a fashion that makes you uncomfortable, its says something about him, not you.
If he is quiet, he will likely really appreciate the fact that he has someone interested and both of your confidences will go up regardless!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (28 April 2012):
 It is very hard when you are both shy. You could write him a note, asking him to meet you for a coffee after work, name the time and place. Slip the note onto his desk when he is away from. Then, if he turns up he is interested, great. If he doesn't, just get a coffee to-go.
Stop listening to that voice in your head, it doesn't know what it's talking about OK.
If he is as shy as it seems, with the 'freezes up and stutters' you will have to be the brave one here.
Take a chance. What have you got to loose?
Good luck xx
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