A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a really big problem right now!I've been meeting up secretly with this guy. When he was drunk, he told another of our friends about us and now it's gotten out. A few of my friends know about it and recently questioned me. I completely lied and denied it, but I don't think they believed me. This was a few weeks ago and I am thiinking about telling the guy about it. I have almost planned what I would say to him, but I am worried that this will only make things worse? I want to ask him to tell teh mate that he first told that he was only mucking around, and that nothing has actually ever happened between us. Do you think this will work or will it just come back to hit me in the face? Also, the guy I've been seeing is such a player! He flirts (and gets on really well) with my best mate, one of the ones I've been lying to about him. I'm scared that if I onfide in him, that he will go straight to her and tell her that it's all true. She is the only one that kind of believes me. She has apologised for asking me about it and is the only one on my side. I can't afford to lose her. I don't know what to do. I'm seriously concerned that he will tell her!! I've hidden the truth from my friends for so long that it is now too late to go back. Please, please help! Urgently! :( I don't know what to do, and it is beginning to take over my life. Thank you.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, GettingHelp  +, writes (19 April 2010):
I'm not sure why you can't tell her.
If I were you I would take her aside at school and say "hey, I know that others were around when they were asking about *insert player's name here* and I feel bad because I lied, but I think I was just a little scared. We are seeing each other, and I'm really sorry I didn't tell you."
Besides coming clean there's not much you can do (from my perspective anyway).
I would suggest that maybe you write her a letter instead? It might be easier for you to come clean on a piece of paper that out loud?
Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2010): Ok, I've just ended it with him. What do I do now?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2010): Thank you for actually taking the time to help me, it's much appreciated!!
I think I am going to end it with him, you're right. I shouldn't be with a player, especially not secretly. Nothing is going to work out that way.
And as for my best friend, I know I should be able to tell her, but I just can't!
Besides the obvious answer of coming clean, what can I do?!
It's become such a mess and I feel like such an idiot!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (18 April 2010):
First of all, why would you keep it a secret. There is no use in you trying to get to know each other through secrecy. Someone was going to tell someone else. You can't tell him to say he was just messing around, because he'll just think you're not interested. If you like someone enough, there is no need for secrecy. This won't work at all.
Secondly, why are you choosing a player?
Thirdly, if you can't trust your best friend, who can you trust.
You just have to be honest. This is why secrecy never works.
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A
female
reader, GettingHelp +, writes (18 April 2010):
Why did you hide the relationship in the first place?
I know that it can be really hard at this age, especially because people interfere in relationships and muck them up.
I have however found that relationships that stay hidden are generally on disaster paths.
So my advice would be to come clean with the relationship. This relationship should be making you happy and you should want to share your joy with your friends! :) I totally understand keeping it quiet, but lying about it is not cool.
Whilst I do understand keeping it quiet, if you're worried about other girls being into him - then announce the news loud and clear - it'll make it really hard for you, him and others to get unintentionally hurt.But if he is a player and you're worried about it, why are you putting yourself through the stress of dating a known player?
If nothing else, whisper very quietly to the one friend who kind of believed you that it is true, but ask her to keep it quiet for whatever reason it is that you are keeping it quiet. She trusts you, so go ahead and trust her. If you do it carefully she probably won't get mad.
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