A
female
age
51-59,
*lirting with 40
writes:My b/f who is 8 yrs younger than me started texting this business associate on the night he worked the night shift, then I found out he has been calling her on evenigs before he reaches home, on morning after I left for work. I confronted him and he says he does not remember texting her, no response on the calls expect to say nothing is going on.This woman called him home one night when we were having dinner and he got up and took the call that lasted over an hour. I told him about it the next and how upset I was and this is how other relationships start. We live together 2yrs+ and thhis is stressing me out. My trust is broken I do not know how to move forward. Before this incident I lived with him keeping his ex close, giving her work, calling her on the pretext is work etc..now that has dwindled oout this happens. I am divorced but sadly enough in the 22 yrs I was married I never had to deal with this situation..Never! How am I supposed to get past this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2009): I understand what you mean and that you don't like it and I am not suggesting that you have no cause for concern.
But she is married, and she may be a woman of low moral standards and is telling him she isn't happy in her marriage, or is asking him advice for her marriage from a male standpoint, it could be almost anything, perhaps and emotional affair for her.
But I am suggesting ways of handling it without causing a lot of drama for you and your boyfriend. The fact that he is calling her at home so late would suggest she is with her husband and not hiding it from him, nor is he hiding it from you. Perhaps they are just close friends.
What I am saying is you have to get accross to him some other way that you don't like it, and the suggestions below are worth a try.....if he chooses to start up something with her you aren't going to be able to stop it. But trusting him goes a long way to keeping the fires burning between the two of you....the rest is up to him unfortuneately.
A
female
reader, flirting with 40 +, writes (29 May 2009):
flirting with 40 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow!!I like the enlist a friend thing...however it's not about the phone thing cause she never called again while he was home it's about him encouraging a friendship outside of business. He says he has high moral integrity one of my point is did she roll off her husband when he texted her 10pm!! Why is she the only business associate he calls just before he reaches home? Why she is the one he wld text during the day to say "hi, how is your day going"
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Invite the female work associate and her boyfriend out for a drink with the two of you, meet her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Oh, this is a tough one...my ex did the same thing and now he is an ex.
Really the only thing to do is to tell him how it makes you feel, don't accuse him of cheating or any wrong doing, but let him know that you don't feel very loved when he gets up from the table to talk to ANY ONE for a whole hour or longer than a few minutes, that feels like his phone use is taking away from your relationship.
People only have so many hours in the day and lots of people are addicted to their phone. Ask him if you can make a household rule that his phone is turned off and calls go to voice mail between certain hours, dinner and after 8 PM, this way it doesn't seem like it is about the girl...but about the phone calls. If he doesn't agree then start doing the same thing to him to let him see how annoying it is....enlist the help of a male friend to call you at all the hours your boyfriend likes to spend time with you....I bet he gets the message.
Try not to make this about trust, I know you feel threatened but for me it was more about me not trusting the agenda of the other woman and my exes need for female attention.....you can't tell him who he can talk to, he won't like it and many co workers get very dependent on each other for talk about other people at work and general gossip. You might say, gee it seems like such a waste of time to spend it all on the phone gossiping, don't you think? Perhaps schedule some things to do in the evenings that would otherwise keep him off the phone, movies, golf, driving range, bowling what ever you like to do....it's summer get outside and walk....some men get bored and just turn to the phone for entertainment.....I found it so annoying myself.
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