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female
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*agpie4786
writes: I'm 19 years old female and I have a crush on this 19 year old guy at my college. I heard from my friend that he has a crush on me too. The problem is he doesn't want to start anything with me because he drinks and smokes and I don't. He has it in his head that I will think he is boring. He has told my friend this, not me. The thing is, he parties and I don't. Also I'm still a virgin and I've heard he hooked up with two girls. I don't know what to do cause I know he still likes me, but he isn't making any moves. Should I make the first move or should I just forget about him?
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crush, move on, smokes, still a virgin Reply to this Question
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female
reader, magpie4786 +, writes (14 February 2006):
magpie4786 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice and your all right I'm staying clear of him even though its hard seeing him around campus. the right guy will come when its time. thanks again
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Whatever you do, DO NOT get involved with this guy.
I can gaurantee you that you will regret it, later if not sooner. Once you start something, you cannot go back. Your interests are obviously different, so why expose yourself to things like that? If you're not a partier, you can't make yourself enjoy something you don't.
Second-hand smoke is almost as bad as smoking itself. Being around drinkers is pressure for you to drink - and one drink can become many. And your virginity... once it's gone, it's gone forever.
DON'T DO IT. You have nothing to gain from what you yourself call a crush.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): DEFINITELY do not make the first move. First of all, you guys don't sound that compatible. Why don't you drink and smoke? Why are you still a virgin? My guess is those things didn't happen by chance - you must have had a reason for choosing not to do things. And those reasons are based on deeper values, whether you like it or not. And relationships where the two people don't share the same values don't work. I'm sure he's a great person in all the ways that "count," but trust me - the seemingly insignificant things often count even more.
There's a chance that his partying ways aren't really reflective of what he truly values - they were just some choices that he now sees are inconsistent with what's important to him. Or maybe they're more innocuous than it sounds like you think they are. If that's true, he won't have any hang-ups about approaching you and making a move, particularly since he talks to your friend enough that he has got to know you aren't completely repulsed by him.
Since you're interested, my guess is that, somewhere, this guy is a really nice guy. And the thing about nice guys is that they generally recognize when they're incapable of not acting like jerks. Believe it - if he thinks he could be a good bf to you and that things could work well, he'll make a move.
You are so young, and there is so much out there! You deserve someone who'll just be thrilled to have you in their life. If you're having to pursue it and work to even get things started, now is probably not the right time for you and this guy.
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (6 February 2006):
 Hi Magpie, well if I was you I would steer clear of this bloke, you said yourself that it is a crush, well I think he is not really interested in you in the way of a relationship as he realises you will not fall into bed with him, you will not go drinking with him and it wont be long before you go off him due to stinking of his smoke, not to mention what the smoke does to your lungs.
Stay clear and move on to someone better suited to you.
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A
female
reader, fairyangel  +, writes (6 February 2006):
 You must ask yourself whether you would be prepared to fit in with his kind of lifestyle, and think about how different your life is compared to his.
You obviously have different moral values to him as well.
How will a relationship with guy contribute to your wellbeing & upliftment? I reckon it would be a difficult relationship, with lots of problems.
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