A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hey, I need some advice about my jealousy over my boyfriends past.He has had lots of sexual experiences and slept with over 100 girls. Ok, he is older than me, but this really gets to me, I think that's just too many people! Anyway, that's only part of the issue. When he was sleeping around, he contracted genital herpes and now, we have to use a condom in everything we do.This makes me very jealous, all those other girls who he didn't even love get to have unprotected sex with him and pleasure him properly and I have to do everything with a condom on! It's just not fair. I know this might sound stupid but it gets to me. Oral sex isn't as good for the guy with a condom so I don't think I pleasure him like other girls did with this or during sex. I want to protect myself from the disease but find myself asking him to use no condom just so I can pleasure him more! (He always says no, as he wants to protect me too). Thanks in advance.
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condom, herpes, jealous, oral sex, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2006): Hi
I know how you feel. My girlfriends past sex life was not as bad as your guys but it was nowhere close to respectable either. After I got with her I would hear from friends who knew the both of us and who knew her better than I would have that she "was a cool girl, but I don't know about girlfriend".
This is guy code for a girl who parties like the guys and then takes them to bed or fools around with them. Nothing was explicitly said to me but I was given a more than enough to make my heart sink. I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt until she got sick about 6 months into the relationship. Worried I spent days with her in the hospital fearing the worst, so concerned for her.
In the end it turns out she was sick because she had contracted an STD from one of the sexual partners she had only months in advance of seeing me.
I was totally shattered. Of course I contracted it also. It wasn't anything as permanent as herpes, but the psychological damage was beyond repair. This was only confirmation of all the slutty aspects of her character I had come to hear about. I felt like I was living with her past in a physical way and felt tainted by it. It took away from everything we did afterwards.
Anyways I have no solutions for you but thought maybe you'd like to hear that you're not alone. Also don't don't don't compromise your sexual health to try and get over the inadequacy you feel.
Your guy is like my girl in that they came into the relationship with baggage. Its not fair, but you only have two choices: either choose to deal with their baggage and live with it or leave.
I left and she's now my ex and I'm hoping I can meet a girl who has all the great qualities I loved in her without having to deal with the strings and ugly bits.
Good Luck
K-
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2006): Girl your crazy to not use a condum what if you guys brake up and decide to move on then your stuck with a disease and would have to tell your next partner what you have and that's not easy I would keep doing what your doing and if he's ok wearing a condum so be it don't risk your self for a guy that's not cool. Of course you want to please him in that way but he has to deal with the fact that he never used condums before and that's the price you pay when you play.Good luck just think before you make a decision that could effect the rest of your life.
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A
female
reader, purrfectionist84 +, writes (6 January 2006):
 Don't do anything sexual with him without a condom. It just isn't worth it! What if you guys broke up, and you were stuck with genital herpes for the rest of your life, and you ended up passing it on to your future husband or love of your life?
You are fortunate enough to KNOW that your partner has herpes. (Many women have no knowledge that their partners are infected, and they end up contracting it without any advanced notice.) You are also fortunate in that your partner cares about you enough to insist on wearing a condom so that you are protected. Respect his concerns, and don't do anything stupid!
This may sound harsh, but he needs to deal with the consequences of his past actions, and this involves wearing a condom so that he doesn't pass any diseases that he has contracted onto his future partners, even if sex isn't as pleasurable for him because of it.
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