A
female
age
36-40,
*osycheeks
writes:Hi there, My boyfriend often has angry dreams at night. Her figits which I why I wake up, then he breathes deeper and faster and then starts shouting and swearing. sometimes its at his dad (his parents are divorced a long time ago) and sometimes he wakes up and tells me he dreams I cheated on him. When I hear he is really distressed in a dream I usually give him a big hug to wake him up gently and let him realise himself he is dreaming and then fall back to sleep. When he yells though I do worry he might hit out at me accidentally. He did wake up once and saw my eyes open and shouted in shock.I haven't really told him what I hear, if it was bad then I say you seemed like you were having a stressful dream. I don't want him to feel embarrased. Do you think this is something I should mention to him?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 June 2012):
 You don't need to mention that he's aggressive but that it wakes you up and you're a bit concerned. You could start out with encouraging him to keep a regular sleep patten so he doesn't get sleep deprived: that tends to make parasomnias worse/ more frequent. People do all kinds of odd things in their sleep when they have a sleep disorder. A recent patient would wake up searching for his new born baby. He's a new Dad so I guess that was his main anxiety - conscious or unconscious. He didn't usually know he was even doing it. His wife told him. But he did know that he was tired during the day and the sleep test showed he woke up 3 times in one night doing this. So his sleep was disturbed significantly (and his wife's!). It's not a psychiatric condition. Nothing to be distressed or embarrassed about but something to keep an eye on. Good luck.
A
female
reader, rosycheeks +, writes (27 June 2012):
rosycheeks is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, it's reassuring that a number of you have the similar opinion! I guess because he is so calm in person, he doesn't like me to see an aggressive side to him. Which I feel I don't want to upset him with. And I wasn't sure if it is something I should point out or not, he must know he still has anger issues (subconscious or not) with his dad. Whether I point it out in a dream or not.
I know if I told him he should speak to his doctor he might think I'm over analysing and he is fine. But I guess its ok if I do ask gently.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 June 2012):
OP, please check out this web page:
http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/ask-the-expert/sleep-and-parasomnias
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 I think you should tell him so that he can go to a counsellor because his issues are deep seated and will take time to heal. He has been dealing with anger and pain for a long time now and has probably never confronted the issue but has always shrugged it off, but its obviously there in his subconscious which is taking a toll on him.
There is nothing for him to feel embarrassed about because he's not doing anything wrong! Its a recurrent dream dealing with the pain of his past and the sooner he gets help for it, the better.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 June 2012):
 He can't very well control what's going on while he sleeps and it sounds like he's got alot of repressed agression and anger that comes out when he's asleep. I agree, you need to be very careful that he doesn't start punching the nearest thing (you) or become startled when you wake him up. I think he'd benefit from some counseling sessions to help him talk about what's buried inside of him. He's repressing some painful memories or feelings and it might be healthier for both of you if he talks to a counselor and gets it all out in the open so he can deal with it head on, rather than having nightmares.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (26 June 2012):
Ok what you're describing is called a parasomnia. A disorder of sleep. I would advise your boyfriend to go and see his GP (with you, since you're the one that witnesses what happens) and ask for a referral to a sleep specialist (again, you should attend the appointment). If this is happening regularly it must be having an effect on his quality of sleep. It is not ideal for you either. This probably won't just stop on its own and you should tell him what's happening - you don't need to tell him exactly what he says - because he may not realise the extent of it. Does he wake up feeling exhausted and find it hard to concentrate during the day? Even if he feels 'OK', it's having an effect on you and that alone is enough reason to seek medical advise. Sleep specialists deal with things like this all the time. I work on a sleep unit where we do tests on people with parasomnias. They are treatable. I'm sure the issues with his Dad don't help but that alone is not enough to explain what's happening. Don't worry, but don't ignore this either.I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (26 June 2012):
It is obvious your boyfriend was deeply affected by the breakup of his parents marriage,I know it is difficult but as you are wakened anyway if he becomes so aggressive in a dream that you are afraid that he may strike out at you why don't you move away a distance where he cannot reach you,its a pity you could not get him to open up and talk to you about his parent's divorce,although I feel he could do with some therapy.I would not tell him how he reacts in these dreams most people remember bits of what they dream,keep reassureing him that you love him,as I think he is insecure,and needs reasurance that the same thing is not going to happen to you both as happened with his parents.Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (26 June 2012):
 why would he feel embarrassed. we have no control over our dreams.
I would not wake him when he's dreaming... if he doesn't wake up he might not even remember it when he does...
usually we have an inability to move during sleep...
http://listverse.com/2007/11/14/top-10-amazing-facts-about-dreams/
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