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female
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anonymous
writes: i posted a question previously but i dnt think i made my point clear enough.facts:- my boyfriend doesnt see a problem at all. - He only has one real friend and a brother, in a band and works.- were both very serious, especially him.- we've been going out for a year and a half- Ive no time for a real social life i have 'aquaintences' in school that i can hang around with if needed. i have one best friend whom i dnt see outside school (she doesnt like meeting)- i see my boyfriend 2 half days in the week when there is no holidaysProblem: well recently he was going to a band rehersal and i wantd to come and hear him. i had been asking the other members of the band for a while if i could come bt i dnt think they like me very much and just be vague to me and say theyl talk about it with rest of the band (which they dnt and 'rest of band' = his brother who is living with him). well then my boyfriend invited HIS brother to the band and i was upset becoz i had to fyt with the other band members to listn to him.the band members said yes to his brother coming immediatly. bt my boyfriend had already promised me, this lead to him choosing btwn brother and GF. oviously brother won due to pressure.but he was then wanting to meet his one best friend after the band. but i also wanted to c him then. After thinking about it, i then realised.. ive seen him everday during the holidays. this band day was the only real day off hes had from seeing me and i wantd to come. i was intruding in his band and then wanting to meet him with HIS friend.He loves seeing me all the time (i only ever see him twice a week when not on holidays, it will reduce once i get a job and he gets a new one), hes never complained and always wants to come. He doesnt see the problem, he invited me to come with his friend for lunch. while i see a fault on my own part. if i tell him, hell tell me im just being silly.Conclusion:I dnt think i shud be this attached to him. i love him very very much. I think i should distance myself from him and let him meet more with his friend (wen its possible) and stop asking to hear his band - although i really want to. im not sure if its a good idea or not. He loves seeing me, if i started putting him off and asking for more space to let him breathe he myt think im going off him or somethings wrong in the relationship.Hes both my boyfriend and my best friend. if i tell him this is why im distancing from him, hell tell me im being silly and im all he wants and doesnt need those other things.but i no he needs it. i feel like a bad girlfriend. what should i do? leave it or attempt it?
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female
reader, Midge  +, writes (20 April 2007):
 All I am hearing is how you are running after him. Stop it!!! You sound as if you are far too attached to him and thats really not healthy at all.
You have to remember that he needs time with his friends and needs time apart from you. The best relationships are those where you do spend some time apart because absence makes the heart grow fonder. You spending every minute possible with him with only drive him aware because you will suffocate him.
Instead of calling him, asking to see the band etc, wait for him to call you and ask you to see the band. He probably hasnt asked you to see the band because he wants a little time apart from you.
You may love him, and thats perfectly fine, but giving your partner "space" is SO important!
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