A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone, I just simply wanted to ask for sincere advice although helping me may or may not be so simple. My issue that I have had a very rough start at life and that I have never had a collective community who have fully accepted me for who I am and that I have never really had a place to call home but instead I just exist as an individual just searching for a sense of community that he has never had in a lasting way and this has led to trust issues with myself and other individuals. It all started for me when I entered the first grade with P.D.D.(which is a combination of a vast intelligence spread and mild Ashburgers) in which I was given a very difficult time and then discharged from the Virginia puplic school system due to the fact the the state did not have ap advanced or special ed classes and could "only educate normal kids here" as they declared with their own words.I was then homeshcooled and isolated with my overly-over protective Mother who I would have to ask permission to step outside into my own backyard, needed additional permission to leave her eyesight from the window, and was banned from leaving my nieghborhood on my own until age 12. I also lived with my suicidal Father who would not only threaten to do the deed but also tell me how I would most likely fail at life and everything worng with every fiber of my being and how I will never amount to anything great or never be capable of forming inter-personal relationships due to having P.D.D. I then entered a mixed environment when I befriended a group of hyper-liberal theater kids who were all aspiring actors who had an endless obsession for the American Pie and teen sex comedy flims and American pop culture in general along with being sent to a hyper-conservative school which strongly resembled the Westbrough Baptist in which I endered abuse in the environments.I can communicate very well in person and I am more than comfortable with an individual of ethier sex but I am still hardwired mentally incapable for conforming to social trends that do not interest me and feel undeserving of individual friendship and love because of it. To make things more of a headspin I have often been deemed as smart, strong, athletic, and extremely handsome and have been flirted by Katleast a dozen girls and asked out by atleast six and was only able to understand the sincere interest with the sixth one. My parents and the state of Virginia helped me feel bad about myself, my American Pie friends made mej feel like a perpetual looser with the opposite sex because I didn't sleep with a girl by age 14, and my Westbrough equivalent made me feel dirty for even thinking about saying yes to a female and finally there's me thinking that all I would do for a lady in my life is to leave her barefoot and pregnant with a broken heart or be the deadleg bum who can't even support her and my own child. So here I am extremely old to start love, datng, sex, and even a good friendship I'm more than a little over the hill for all of these things and I'm not certain if individual men and women would show me any more mercy than society at large
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2013): From one person with PDD and an extremely conservative, depressing, and controlled childhood to another: if you want to form attachments with other people, you must STOP thinking that you are 'hardwired' in a way that makes you unable to have these attachments. The fact that you are here now, and asking how to have friends and acquaintences is EVIDENCE that you want to have these types of relationships. A person who is 'hardwired' against relationships won't want them.More likely than not, your inability to have relationships thus far has to do with your rigid upbringing. How can you make friends when you weren't given any practice when you were a young boy?! Do you have a therapist? I feel like you should have a qualified therapist who can help you discuss everything. A professional can assess you an help you find ways to make friends.If you would prefer to find friends online first, use a search engine and find forums/sites that have people who share some of your favorite interests. If you are not already, become a redditor. Reddit is a huge resource that has brought millions of people together with others who share similar interests. Most of the time, the people there are kind/good people. Just remember, some of the subreddits are satire. If it seems weird or off it might be satire.Lastly, you need to use your high IQ to your advantage. People have patterns of behavior. Look for the patterns. Keep track of them mentally. Once you have done this for awhile, you will be able to try predicting what people will do in a given situation. Once you have accurately determined the outcomes of these trials you can start to determine how you can interract in a way that is comfortable and rewarding for you and the relationships you desire to build with others.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2013): Consider the following - Wrong Planet
It is an online community of people who have Asperger's. You will find like-minded people of your caliber or at least, someone(s) to share yourself with.
It is very easy to judge one's self worth based on how others see us but really, don't let it.
I've never been one to conform to the community and for that I am an outcast. I am a happy outcast though.
P.S. You are doing yourself a disservice by taking up activities which serve no purpose in entertaining you. I find friends if you perform in areas which interest you. Try it.
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