A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi, wonder if anyone has any thoughts on this.A guy started texting me in May after having done some work at my home. The texts became intimate quite quickly.A few evenings of sexy texts during May then he saiid he couldn't come to house to do further work because his partner found messages.Beginning of June he messaged me one night and again texts became very intimate. I messaged him next day to suggest meeting up and he said no too many people could get hurt and he's not brave enough! (I'm married and he is in a relationship) and he said for us to delete numbers!! I then deleted his number and that was that. Nothing for weeks and I pretty much forgot about him, only thinking of him occasionally (I've never done anything like this before) Then early hours of Sunday morning he messages me, pretending to be texting a friend of his about a game. I recognise number. Sunday evening I message him saying hi and we quickly start texting each other. He is very explicit in what he wants and says we need to meet up and wants me to send him nude pics of myself. I refuse although send some tame ones which he seems to love! cleaveage shots and my legs bare. even if i do say so myself the pics were really flattering as ive been going to the gym and getting rather toned. He's loving it but wants more, I make it clear that I won't send nude pics. He suggests meeting up Monday but I couldn't due to other commitments. He sends me very erotic pics of himself during the texting. I'm much more suggestive in my texts which I wasn't so much before though he knew i really wanted him he's loving every bit of it. He sends me a pic of him aroused naked which is fine because he asked me if I wanted to see him like that and I said yes!! Now I'm not hearing anything from him, I messaged him Monday afternoon saying I liked the pic he sent me which had left me in no doubt the effect our texting had on him!!! He rang me 40 mins later and when I answered call it was disconnected. I sent a further message the following morning asking if he had called me the previous day and have heard nothing since. So again he's ignoring me, I'm wasting my time here aren't I? During these texts he said it was easier to message me in the previous texts and that he wasn't brave enough to meet up but then he seemed desperate to meet up which I was pleased about. I also have found out though through a friend on Facebook that he had an affair years ago when married with kids and left his wife to be with this woman. He's with this woman now and has been for about 6 years. What is going on with this guy because he has me confused! Is he just all talk and no action?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): I'm the original poster of this question.
The first 2 comments, wow such hate you must have such sad, bitter lives I feel sorry for you!
I have, however experienced the spite off one those 'so called' aunts before a few years back when I wrote in feeling despair over my husbands actions. So no surprise whatsoever there!
To the other 2 who took the time to read, digest and answer my question in a fair manner - thank you.
I've been a devoted wife, mother for so many years. I don't feel guilty because this is the FIRST time in almost 23 years I've felt tempted to stray.
I suggested a few weeks ago the idea of 'sexting' to my husband and his reply was he may send messages to the wrong person...??? Don't understand how that would happen!
Also our sex life which was always amazing, is suffering because our 18 year old is up till late. My husband blames our lack of sex on this!
I've said we just go to bed, (we don't often sleep in the same room because my hubby snores loudly) so this is probably why he thinks our son would think we were doing something!, but our son is in his own little world as most lads are at that age. I don't think he would cotton on.
Our son went out with a girl last night but came home earlier than planned as he has a driving theory test to study for which he is taking on Monday and as our daughter was still up nothing happened. It's quite comical in some ways. A weekend away or at least a night away is what is needed for the 2 of us.
We have had serious issues of trust over the years. My husbands behaviour at times has been bad. Once his own mother said if I walked away he would have no-one to blame but himself. Keeping secrets and telling lies kills marriages. I did tell him once it was over after he had lied again, but then fate had a strange way of keeping us together - his mother became seriously ill and sadly passed away soon after. We became close again.
Funnily enough the past few years we've got on well, I had some health issues in 2011 that thankfully were resolved and he was my rock!
I would also say that in the past few years I've had no cause to suspect he's lying or doing anything he shouldn't.
I don't know 100 per cent whether he's actually had an affair in the past, but I do know for a fact in 2 separate occasions 2 women were showing a lot of interest in him and he wasn't being truthful to me. Sneaky texts, calls when I was out of the house at work or picking up kids didn't look good. The guilty look on his face when I confronted him. Though I never saw anything inappropriate in texts from him to anyone. One work colleague however was blatantly interested judging by her texts ending in xxx
If I had sent a text like those he received to a man then, my husband would have gone nuts!
His response was she was just friendly...utter rubbish! No-one messages like that, unless they are wanting something to happen.
I've had opportunity to cheat over the years, never ever been tempted until May this year. It's something I'm really not familiar with.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): Look sweetie I'm another aunt who doesn't condone cheating .. That said the issue still needs addressed.. At the minute you are extra material tohelp aid him sexually 'much like a toy?!' He is enjoying the fantasy of what could happen with him then waking up beside his gf thinking ' oo better not' I don't think he in the right at all.He suggested going separate ways deleting numbers, only to pick upthe phone and retext . Now that is a no no !! But you don't get of scot free either.. What's wrong at home? Are you and your husband spending quality time together ? Do you communicate well to each other? These are important .. Cheating is never a good thing.. It compromises who you are, it makes you become a liar, someone who sneaks away to text. It makes you guarded .. It makes you distance yourself from a relationship that need more input and honest not distance .. The end result if discovered cheating could be like a nuclear bomb through your world..Are you ready for that ? Fantasy and reality is too different things .. It could be allure even for yourself .. The thought . Someone else finds me desirable .. Why not initiate the sexy texting with your husband .. It doesn't have to be to daring at the beginning .. It might add a little pep into your marriage.. Ask hubby to court you one night, every week .. Explore diffident ways to spice up your marriage . Or else you may find yourself with nothing .. Family in ruins .. No hubby.. Distraught kids... And guess what still no man..Ask yourself is this really worth it...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): The end of my post is meant to say 'sending you a picture of his penis is NOT doing the right thing, far from it!
I would like to point out that this chap is not some poor victim, he's getting his kicks, no doubt about that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): I have to say lets deal with the question in hand rather than the fact that some aunts on here are just anti affairs or the like.For the record I don't believe in having an affair but I can see how they come about. The advice I would give you poster is to concentrate on your marriage. Maybe times have been hard in the past but unfortunately that's life. If you want to continue with your marriage you have to forget this other chap. It's really that simple! When not IF he messages you again, because he will let's face it you need to ignore him. Changing your number would be a good start. Or quite simply tell him no more. Do you still love your husband? As for this other man struggling with what he should do?? He instigated all of this didn't he? So I really don't understand the comments regarding him doing the right thing. Sending you a picture of his penis is NOT doing the right thing, from from it!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (25 July 2013):
 So how's the hubby these days? Are the kids enjoying the summer? Are you and the family going to do anything interesting before school starts up for the fall semester?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): What is going on with you? You're the married one. I wonder. And I can only wonder about your guilty conscience that seems to have fled from u. He obviously doesn't want to cheap. N its obvious he's struggling so he appease himself by just talking, it helps him out. He is weighing his odds and he knows he's happy at home but he can't gunfire out what he want with u. The answer is u make it so easy n available for him. He's trying to keep a lid on it. At least someone is trying to do the right thing.
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