A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my fiance have been together for 3 years now. He is the best man i've ever met. Although for the past year i've felt a little neglected. We live together and we hardly spend time together he is always watchin football. I feel discusting and unwanted, i try to talk to him about it but i can't quitte seem to get him to realize what im trying to tell him. We have sex maybe 4 or 5 times a month! Is it just me being needy and/or clingy? Or should i be worried my relationship is fallin apart
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): Hi, getting his attention back and sparking the relationship will take time, its bot going to happen over night.
Ive read so many books about dating and what makes men tick.
1) dont talk to him about sex and how you feel, kinda disappear for a while, keep your distance, relationship tend to have a pull/push effect, your both constantly either pushing (being clingy) or pulling (pulling away, think of how you feel when someone keeps nagging you, or not giving you space, or like that guy that keeping making unwanted moves on you) all relationships work this way, successful ones are at an even keel. Like being on a sea saw, sitting eye to eye.
While your creating distance and mystery ( killing two birds with one stone here) start reading up on how to create mystery, attraction for your man. I read somwhere that a person asked Dolly Parton how she stays happily married for so lone, her answer was "I stay gone!" So you need to get out a create an exciting life for yourself, dont ever depend on anyone else but yourself for personal fullfillment, no person can fill that hole except yourself. Once he starts seeing that you've got a life of your own, he'll want to get involved too, and you'd never have to ask, always let a man make up his mind about things, even if its your own idea!
I read books like how to date like a man (favorite!) Ebook called catch him and keep him by chris carter, itunes audio recording; how to get the man of your dreams and codependence issue related books. All these books all have one common theme - live life for yourself! Just as you were before you got married, thats why he was attracted to you in the first place!
Hell either want to be apart of it, be intrigued or if he doesnt improve has lost love, guess what? A divorce was bound to happen anyway. But guess what? If a seperation occurs, youve got this new fantastic life to keep living, otherwise your "whole world just left you and walked out of the door" its much harder to keep up the peices if he was your whole life. Good luck!
A
female
reader, doctorlove +, writes (6 December 2009):
Don't worry. Let him know you are serious and want things to work out try talking to him again and ask him for a time table... like watch football maybe two nights a week, take you out to dinner once in a while to reconnect to get back when you were head-over-heels in love.
P.s. Don't just make it about sex. That will run you guys down faster than anything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): You should be worried. If you've tried to talk to him and he doesn't seem to care much, this is not a good sign. I'm guessing you don't want to be treated this way for the next 50-60 years, and that's what might happen.
Tell him sex 4-5 times a month isn't cutting it. Since he seems really into football, maybe you could say you're not expecting him to stop watching entirely, you just need more attention and time with him. Decide on a time frame, and if things don't improve, break things off. However painful that might be, getting ignored for the rest of your life would be much more painful.
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A
male
reader, brovers  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 no your not clingy, perhaps i you suggest going out more or make a special meal and talk about it, tell him your feeling and make sure he listen if not tell him if it dont get better that you will leave him and see what he says
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A
female
reader, Nataliemarie +, writes (6 December 2009):
Hey, your fiancee is a good man for many reasons so dont lose sight of them. However, it cannot be ignored that so early in your relationship (since you will be married eventually) you are only having sex 4-5 times a month. However, is he stressed at work or for any other reasons? This can lower a mans libido significantly. Or do you suspect he is cheating? Maybe you can try greeting him with a sexy piece of lingerie and see if this sparks his interest- if it doesn't i would be worried... You have said that you've tried to approach the situation with him and hes basically neglecting it. Every relationship goes through its troubles, and fixing problems along the way strengthens the couple. However, if he is not making an effort to amend the situation, you should consider- is this really the man you want to marry? Imagine you are feeling disgusting and unwanted NOW- how will you feel if he keeps up this behavior once you are married? It cannot get any better. I suggest you really evaluate if this is the behavior your want to deal with for the rest of your life- most likely it is not...so i think you should take the bulls by the horn and try expressing your concerns to him again. If he further neglects you- if i were you, I would break off the engagement. Best of luck- and try to work it out!
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