A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello forum,So I guess I'm not sure what to make of this situation. I was in an acting class and one of the guys told me on the last day that I was very funny and charming and asked me out. We have been out three times now and he seems to really like me, which is great. Things seem to be moving a little fast however.I mentioned I wanted to take a trip to California in general and he started planning a trip for us to take together in like.. a month? He always tells me how lovely I am, and appreciates everything about me. The thing is, he recently (within the last 5 months) got out of a 4 year relationship and he has ALWAYS lived at home with his mother. He is 33. He doesn't make that much money which I understand and just spends his free time making funny videos with his friends. He is funny and sweet and creative but part of me feels like he doesn't want to grow up and is very unrealistic about expectations. also, the last time we hung out, he mentioned this other woman he has been interested in which really threw me. I guess they had been talking online over the past several months but hadn't met yet. She apparently told him she was dating someone else and just got out of this relationship and now wants to meet him/seems interested. I'm not sure if he thought he was just being honest by mentioning it or if he really has an interest for her.. but yet at the same time mentions how great I am and how he loves to hear from me everyday via text/email/whatever.I guess I'm just confused. Obviously we aren't exclusive but yet he plans these vacations for us, talks about how great I am, etc. I'm not sure what to make of it or if I'm just being too hard on him and overreacting.Any thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): Thank you for your input, guys. I am the OP. He does have a job but it apparently doesn't pay that well and his brisk explanation of living at home was to "save money." I don't think it really changes the situation though. I realize no one is perfect but I am fairly educated, successful and have my own place so this lifestyle is a bit new to me to deal with. Thanks again for your help.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2014): I agree that he isn't the right one for you. In addition to no job apparently, he is already cheating on you with someone else.
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (3 August 2014):
 You aren't being too hard on him. I wouldn't get anywhere near a guy who is 33 living with his mom and no ambition to do anything else. It's one thing to fall on hard times and end up at your mom's and working towards fixing it. But he has always lived there. In his free time he is making videos with friends, not searching for jobs or going to school. And he is using money he does have to go on a vacation to California with you rather than save it towards getting out on his own.
I have no idea what the meaning is behind telling you about this other girl. Either he is being honest about it or he is telling you he has an interest in her. I would just ask him.
Think really hard about getting into a relationship with him and if this is the kind of person you can date. He doesn't want to grow up, that much is obvious. He is content to live off his mom. If you have your head on your shoulders and live on your own you will start to get really tired of his lifestyle. You would likely end up supporting him yourself if you got serious in the future.
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