A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I feel like I am totally screwing up my relationship with a man I truly love.A few years ago, I became acquainted with this gorgeous, sweet man but he was involved with another woman and totally devoted to her. The puzzling thing was, he is highly educated, makes good money, is smart, classy, fun, and generous. The woman he was involved with was on welfare, had three illegimate kids, all from different men. She was loud, obnoxious and basically white trash. Not only that, but she was not a pretty gal in way, and no one could ever figure out what he saw in her. A little while later, it became apparent that she was just using him because, she when broke up with him, she stole money from his account, took all the beautiful furniture he had, hocked her $2,000.00 engagement ring for a measely $300.00, and left him owing money on her debts because he had co-signed on some of her loans. It took him nearly three years to recover financially and emotionally. He and I became close a couple of years after the break up, and within 4 months, we had become lovers, then asked me to move in. He has been a wonderful man in many ways, sweet, caring, generous. He has introduced me to his family, friends, co-workers. He involves me in his plans, projects and work assignments. But sometimes it feels more like we are friends than lovers. The thing that eats at me, is our lack of sexual chemistry. He says he loves me, but our relationship is more platonic because he's rarely ever affectionate and frequently tells me he has too much stress in his life to care about sex. Or he blames his age (He's in his late 40's).The problem is, I remember how wildly affectionate he was with his former girlfriend -- they seemed to be alot of sexual chemistry between them. At first I made excuses that he was afraid to love like that again, but he's opened up every other aspect of his life to me thus far, and I don't think he would do that if he still had reservations. Do you think he's simply sexually attracted to women you are more trashy than classy? I have a college degree, and work full time. But I'm not uptight. I like to party and wear sexy clothes. I have never asked anything of him financially and I do not take advantage of his generosity. I've told him that I am wildly attracted to him and would like to have sex more often and would welcome a little more romance, and affection from him. He does it for a little while, but then slowly falls back into the pattern of treating me more like a companion than a romantic partner. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): What he had with his ex made him feel like he was rescuing her from a bad life, he was a hero figure and she probably worshiped the ground he walked on or pretended to.....
Perhaps since you sound like a capable woman you could let him know you not only want him but need him too....don't act helpless, but maybe try asking him to teach you something new, a skill like hunting or golfing or something he is into that you don't know how to do. Ask him to fix stuff around the house, help you lift objects and the like, and then behave as if you are very impressed with his prowess, try making him feel more useful, weird I know, but it may be the missing link----just a guess.
I am sure he appreciates all of your good qualities and loves you and is attracted to you, he may just be a little too comfortable, or you may be a little too comfortable around him, be sure and keep up your appearance, like no sweat pants when you are hanging around the house...wear something cute....
Hang in there, he sounds like a good guy.
A
male
reader, Big boy +, writes (12 January 2007):
 I feel that you should just tell him how you feel about him first, then tell him about your problems that’s it, he should be able to sort it out and he sounds like a nice guy, you can offer him a hole lot better than the ex all you need do is prove it. Ask your self what you are doing wrong or trick him into telling you what turns him on..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2007): Always respect him for what he wants! It possible he has trust issues due to his past, and basically being taken advantage of. It may even be possible that he feels he's too 'old' for what you want.
But really, communication is your key, the only person who can give you a true answer is the man himself. You should not be afraid to ask him !
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