A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship with my fiance on and off for 5 years. We have been back together for about two. He used to be the biggest sweetheart, i swear. But now he screams at me and when he's mean I almost immediately cry. I'm 19 so it's not like i'm a baby but I just can't help but bawl because i'm not used to getting screamed on even by my mom. Today he screamed at me and left out of the house after blaming me for losing an important document. When I went through his phone i saw he had told his mom in a text " this dumb b*tch lost the..". When I asked him about it he told me he only said it cuz he was mad. Now he's accusing me of havin a relationship wit my best friend that's a girl because we talk on the phone all the time and call each other boyfrind/girlfriend. I am not gay and have never been and neither is she. What is going on with him.. it's like he's picking at things to be upset with me about.
View related questions:
best friend, fiance, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, NightLad  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Without knowing more about the history of your relationship, I can’t speculate why his attitude has seemed to change. Is he under stress from work, school, family? Not that such things are ever an excuse for emotional abuse, but it may give some indication as to where his head is.However, from what you’ve said it sounds as if your boyfriend has grown to mistake you for an emotional punching bag. This is the type of boundary line that is broken when one person becomes accustomed to outbursts of anger and rage directed at their partner. It happens gradually over time, until it becomes “normal” within the relationship. At first the partner may be hurt and taken aback, but the longer they allow it to go on without correcting the situation, the more it becomes “normal” for them, too.Right now it sounds like you are at the mid-way point. I think it is very brave and wise of you to seek advice in dealing with this. It is important that this boundary gets redefined, so that his outbursts don’t escalate in severity or action.I suggest you read over this resource site for more information and helpful links to support and information: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htmPS: The lesbian accusations sound like immature jabs at you for no other purpose than to hurt you. Sadly a lot of people still consider the “accusation” an insult.
|
