A
female
age
30-35,
*efi
writes:my bf says theres a girl who likes him, and i asked him if he liked her back. he said yes, as a crush. i got upset and said 'so basically youre close to loving her, you like her a lot more than a friend' he said no, that he just likes her, but not even close to being in love with her, but claims its a crush. he says its normal to have crushes right? do we have different ideas of what a crush is? because its really hurting my feelings but he doesnt see whats wrong with it (he is faithful, he would never cheat on me, but he doesnt understand how it hurts me)
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male
reader, PJ090729  +, writes (11 February 2012):
There's one very important thing you need to remember here... HE IS HONEST. I think most guys wouldn't feel comfortable admitting that, and he did, so that should be a source of some comfort. If he's willing to admit to that much, he'll probably be willing to talk to you if something more serious starts to happen.That said, it is kind of weird to have "Crush" if you are in a relationship. Maybe ask him to clarify what exactly he means by that? I know while I've been in a relationship I've seen people who made me think "wow she's really pretty" but it never occurred to me to act on those thoughts. To me a "Crush" means you can't stop thinking about someone and you want to be with them, but it's possible that to him it means something different. Maybe to him that just means he thinks she's physically attractive. You can't really blame a guy for that... the fact is there are nice looking people in the world. The important thing is who he chooses to be in a relationship with.
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (11 February 2012):
 Yes it is normal to have crushes on people even in a relationship. I've had them, my boyfriend has had them, everyone gets them. Unfortunately short of shutting ourselves in boxes, in any situation where we're around other people it's bound to happen. Yes it does hurt a little, but as long as nothing else comes from it there's really nothing to worry about and there's also nothing you can do about it.
If he planned to cheat he wouldn't have told you about it. You're letting your mind just go totally out of control with this. A crush is not even close to love, it's just a crush. So long as he isn't going out of his way to contact her and hang out with her, there's nothing to worry about it should just go away on its own.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 February 2012):
 It sounds like he is mildly amused and flattered that this other girl has a crush on him.
He is a gentleman as well, so he is not going to tell her to get lost nor be silly and tell her not to have a crush on him.
Nor is he going to encourage her.
She she can admire him from afar and that is that. People can often like other people, but not act on it, because good people respect their primary relationship.
She may not even be the only one with a crush on him. He is flattered but that is it.
At the same time he is staying with you.
he is NOT close to loving her.
And yes it is normal for people to like other people but NOT ACT on it and remain faithful to their partner.
Value and accept that he loves you. And be secure and happy in that he thinks you are the one he WANTS and he intends to stay with you.
So a thousand girls could have a crush on him, and he might like many of them, but he wants to remain faithful to you as he connects better with you than anyone else in his humble opinion.
Assure him that you love and trust him. Sounds like you have no reason not to trust him and no reason to doubt him and no reason to worry that he might even consider being unfaithful. He sounds like a keeper to me. Give the poor guy a hug, your reaction has probably un-nerved him
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