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female
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*anny
writes: my boyfriend is still on a singles dateing site he told me when we first got together that he deleted his profile of there and just by chance i found out otherwise, he said that he is window shopping and only having a laugh!! should i except this?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2006): There's something to learn from this (which is the same thing I learnt)
When you catch someone breaking the "terms" of the relationship (e.g. being unfaithful to you) - you be strong and END IT. Otherwise, they will be the ones who first blame you, and then second, dump you!
If you had ended it when you could have, you would have left feeling better than you do now - similarly, he would have been dumped knowing he did something wrong - but now he has probably justified what he did as being ok.
By the way, I live in Crawley too *waves out the window*
:)
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (15 August 2006):
 You best of without him... But its a shame you didnt get to dump him first!! he was way out of order and the only way he can condone what he did was to blame it on you! What a jerk... least you didnt end up getting married to him and finding out!! He really is a total idiot!! You were right to be a tad suspiscious in the start, but the gaul of the guy to then turn around and dump you cos you caught him out!! He obviously didnt care one Iota what he was up to and showed no remorse... let the sad so and so carry on on his own, by acting like this is will be very very lonely man one day!! Now get yourself out there and find someone who is worthy of your trust and will treat you the way you should be treated!
Take care x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): wait - he's saying that what you did was worse? um, excuse me, but you did the SAME thing that he did, only you WEREN'T picking up people! how dare he try to flip the blame onto you. what a douche. (sorry, I know you still probably have feelings for him, but what else could he be if he does that?) maybe this is the reason his last relationship(s) didn't pan out in the 25 years you weren't together...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): (i'm the person who wrote about not judging him)
good god! he sure turned out to be a sleeze. look, you don't need someone like that in your life. now that I know he was actually talking with "someone else" on the site, it makes the situation totally different than what I had originally thought it was. If he didn't dump you, I would say you should dump him after hearing what you wrote. you don't deserve to be treated that way and you'll be better off without him. it's probably good that you weren't together for the past 25 years, because you may have been having to put up with this the whole time. i bet once you're gone he will totally regret what he did. what a jerk. i'm so sorry that happened - some people are just asses, and at least you caught him early instead of years later. and remember that it might hurt now, but (like my mom used to tell me) this, too, shall pass. :)
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male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (9 August 2006):
 He dumped you?
This guy sounds like a complete plant, you are better off without him if thats his attitude.
You deserve better.
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female
reader, tanny +, writes (9 August 2006):
tanny is verified as being by the original poster of the question thx very much for all your answers:O) it is a great help to have all your feedback......he dumped me:'O( x
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female
reader, tanny +, writes (9 August 2006):
tanny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi and yes by accident i came across it:O( i could'nt talk to him about it as all hell would of let lose..so i created a name of a woman and a pic and went on that site my self:O( and sure enough he checked her out and emailed her..sent her pics and his home phone number:'O( i lived with this for 2 weeks!!! i could see in his eyes he had something on his mind:( he finally found out it was me and boy i went through hell!! he dumped me and said he will never forgive me..he said what i had done was actaully worse then what he had done...do you think this is right? i am trying to mend my broken heart:O( we were together for 9months but 25 yrs ago we were first loves:( we were going to get married and all that, it was just by chance that i came across him still being on a single dateing site!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I wouldn't be so quick to judge him - I actually look at personals and laugh. So does my husband. And sometimes we do it together. It can be quite funny - and I'm *not* talking about the regular guy who can't find a girl, I am talking about the drunk and high womanizer who doesn't understand why he can't get "da girlz." lol).
Now, on the other hand, it's different if he's actually communicating with these individuals. do you know if he's talking with any of these people? that is a definite no-no if he's supposed to be in a committed relationship with you!
And the "window shopping" would make me feel strange, honestly. But I have many friends who talk about people being hot with their partners. If he feels comfortable telling you this, then he seems like a really honest person, at least. If this is the case, then you really have to ask yourself if you want to be with someone who keeps looking at other girls.
(Hopefully he just does it for laughs, though.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Sounds like a weak excuse and is very revealing of his weak character.
He lied to you now didn't he?
And what the heck does he mean by "window shopping"? Holy insensitive jerk Batman!!
If he is unwilling to delete all profiles and stop window shopping as you told him that you are hurt by this and do not think he should be doing this; and he still decides to keep shopping...kick his slacker butt to the curbside.
You deserve a faithful, loving, caring, willing to make you happy kind of man in your life and he is out there.
He either shapes up or ships out.
Be firm. Be fair to yourself.
Best of wishes Sweetie.
*hugs*
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male
reader, James55UK +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Pardon me for saying this but this is a guy who sounds like a jerk to me. If he does love you that profile should be gone and you should watch him delete it right infront of you. My mum let my dad keep his profile on a dateing site because he sad it was a "joke" but 3 months later he left her for this other woman, my advice don't make the same mistake as my mum did.
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reader, David Lewis +, writes (9 August 2006):
If he still has an active profile, maybe he does have other ideas. I am curious as to how you found his profile.
Did you already suspect him of being on the site?
Maybe it is all innocent, if that is the case, he would be happy to delete his profile in front of you.
Or have him give you the password, that will show he has nothing to hide.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): I agree with Wendy, I mean come on what the heck is going through is head. If he is with you he should not longer be or feel the need to even go onto these sites. Id tell him straight either he removes him profile and says bye bye to these sites or youll be saying bye bye to him.
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reader, anna1 +, writes (9 August 2006):
it sounds to me like he's keeping his options open, I would definately feel uneasy. Its only a matter of time before he sees someone who he likes the look of, and then will it still be just a laugh? its not a joke if he's the only one laughing, he's a player, and probably a potential cheater too, get rid, and find someone who deserves you.
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reader, Wendyg +, writes (9 August 2006):
Window shopping...!! More like checking out what else is out there .... How is checking out other girls having a laugh ? For one its dishonest to you and he should hold more respect, and secondly these other single girls wont think its so funny that hes having a laugh at their expense will they! I mean he is either on there to date people or he isnt, if he isnt whats there to have a laugh about ? People that sign up to dating sites are normally pretty serious about meeting people, so hes either leading them up the garden path, or plainly just lying to you as to why hes on there! He either removes it or I would dump him if I were you... By being on this site he is actively looking at other woman to date, no matter how much he says its " a laugh" the fact is hes showing that hes available...ergo hes not very comitted to your relationship now is he ? Not sure how long you guys have been together, but out of respect for you he shouldnt be on a singles dating site. I wouldnt accept that its just a laugh... I fail to see what the laugh is ? Do you honestly think hes just having fun having a laugh ? No didnt think so, hes actually got the intent to hook up with people.. I mean what happens if someone comes along that really takes his fancy on there ? Is he going to say oh sorry but I have got a girlfriend... I doubt it!! If hes intersted in taking things a whole lot further with you and hes serious about you guys then he will do the right thing and remove his profile... its halfway to cheating and if he thinks anything of you then he wont have any problem in doing this.
You deserve for a man to treat you right and to not advertise that hes single on a dating site and expect you to go along with it...
Hope things pan out for you.
Take care x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): This is up to you to decide. So should you accept this? It doesn't sound like you want to.
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