A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi I would just like some advice on how to figure out if my boyfriend is really meaning it when he says I am all he wants as a partner and he wants to spend the rest of our lives together. He says this a lot but even more if he's had a few drinks (I don't mean he has a drink problem). But then sometimes he seems a bit distant. And we've been together 3 years and talked about getting married and he says he's ready but we don't actually sit down and start planning. I have a bit of an anxious personality so maybe I'm overreacting? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 August 2012):
 Hi
No your not being over anxious, you want to plan a future you want to know you two are going somewhere and after 3 years thats fair.
He wants you around but can't or won't commit. If you both thought like that,as some I know do,then fine. But you want more so he either steps up or ships out.You dont want to be dangling in another 3 years do you?
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 August 2012):
 after 3 years at your age I agree it's time for him to put his actions where his words are.
time to get engaged and set a date and get married if that's what you both want.
I agree however that when push comes to shove you will have to be prepared for him to say "I'm not ready to get married"
sadly this is probably the case and a year from now you will be posting that your ex said he was not ready to get married and then you left and he's engaged and getting married now...
because "i'm not ready to get married" means "I'm not ready to get married" (to you)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (9 August 2012):
I agree with Sageoldguy.
Your boyfriend could well just be saying all these things to keep you around and keep you thinking that it'll all happen soon. But at 3 years, there should be more concrete planning.
I think that you need to sit down with him and really talk about it, and start making it clear that you want this to move forward. He will have to make some plans, or he'll finally show himself up.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (9 August 2012):
 Any guy who has an arrangement (such as you described) with a woman.... is willing to pay lip-service to marriage and all the other trappings of a REAL relationship... as long as that advances his agenda of continuing to have you available for s*x.
IF/WHEN you bear down and ask to REALLY start talking about love and marriage you will break in to his wall of "ho-hum" and risk having him tell you that he,
"...really isn't ready (for marriage), after all..." and you and he will part ways...
Good luck...
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