A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello! I'm a female, 40 yrs old. I've been with my husband over 24 years, been married for 15 yrs. There's NEVER been anyone in between, for him or I, I know. However, bout 2 n a half years ago, a problem arose. It was my fault. It has nothing to do with cheating. My husband confided in a girl he worked with who was 19 yrs. old, and dealing with the same problem with her boyfriend. They would hang out usually Thursday night after work to confide in each other. I met her n he told me ahead of time when they would hang out. Long story short, I asked him if he had sex with her. He said no (of course). I didn't like his body language when he answered. My gut was sick. I have many reasons to believe that he could have cheated. Ya know, like a different brand of ciggaretts, listening to diff. music etc. But he is so diff. from most men. I never catch him in lies, he's very respectful n etc. He says he confided in her b/c I wasn't there for him. So, yes he may have had an emotional affair but... I want the truth. So any ideas on what to say or do? I so bar want to call her n ask, but I won't for obvious reasons. It's been over 2 years...why is this still pulling at me? Please someone give me advice! Thank u for ur time!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJanniepeg & anonymous, Thank you for your responses. I've always heard to let the past go... There's no way to ever find out. Thank you!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 March 2012):
 You have to think of the three outcomes. He is either going to admit the truth, deny it, or, that cheating never happened it was just talking. If he admits the truth, which is a bad betrayal for two years, you need counselling to sort out your feelings and decide if you can stay with him. If he denies it because there is no proof, is that going to stop your worries. Your response to the second and third outcome will be similar because there is no way to proove. Only the first outcome would sound definite. You should definitely tell him you are still thinking about it.
You know him better than I do. His character, his moral integrity. I am not saying there is no possibility but it is unlikely that he would do something like that. You know these are all words on a screen but my gut feeling is that he did not cheat. Our gut feelings can be wrong. The only thing that is claimed to determine the truth would be a lie detector but you wouldn't go that route.
What's most important is that you love each other now. There would be mistakes made in a marriage but your committment to each other is more important than trying to find out who did what wrong in the past.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2012): Leave the past alone. One of the most important aspects of life is to actually forget about some of the terrible events that have occurred to us in the past and to live hoping for a better future. All that you need to worry about now is whether or not he actually loves you right NOW. That is all that matters...
Hope you feel more satisfied,
Thank you.
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