A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I hurt my boyfriend and lost his trust. However, I have a depression and he knows it. So he says that he does not want to go back to our previous relationship but does very much want to help. He is around me still. But we don't go out on dates. No sex. Just talking over the phone or in his office.He says I have got problems that are bound to come out again and our relationship will always suffer from them.He sends me love notes, and frequent texts. To me, he has not changed from before (when we slept together), but he has made it a point to 'punish' me for what I did to him.I did apologise but did not sound convincing, because I started criticising him, too. I miss him, he says he misses me too. What can I do to make things better? I don't want another woman to capture his heart.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 If he is still sending you love notes and text messages it seems you still might have that heart after all. I would suggest that you get help with your condition. Physiotherapy might help you a lot. You can try backing off a bit so he can come to terms with your illness. Talk to him about it if you are getting the go ahead from him. Listen to the way he talks to you about it and watch things like facial expressions or tone of voice. Help him to understand your position by being patient of his idea that he wants to help but not to be in a relationship with you. Let him see you from his point of view because he has to deal with it on his own terms. When a person distances themselves from a problem sometimes it is their way of dealing with the pain of breaking up. As far as what caused the breakup if you two are getting along as friends but he still says he cares, loves you and things of this nature it could be that he is not sure what else he needs to be for now. He may not be able to give more at this time. If you think about it and you had problems so big you split up then of course you don't want to go back into the relationship with those same issues at hand. Try to figure out why things really got so bad and try to find a way to change the outcome. Deals with the problems using an honest and open minded view of the situation. Seek and accept your part in all that has happened but don't make yourself your own enemy. Start over as friends, which it seems you are already. Take it one day at a time and remember that "anything worth having is worth waiting for". PS It won't hurt to say a little prayer cause sometimes that' what brings it all around. Peace be with you. God is in your court.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2007): That's the point... He told me that I would not change, and that he was fed up of my old ways.
We fight and argue a lot; yet there is something between us . I don't know how much this ''reserve'' will last though.
He told me that he'd be there for me to help. He always says ''help'' as if I am the helpless!
I am confused. A part of me wants him back, yet, if I had the courage, I'd leave it for good. Not easy.
I am not very open with him. I find it hard to open up, and he is ''square'' too. Does not understand woman talk!
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (21 October 2007):
 I think I was "your boyfriend" 10 months ago. Many similarities. When I was hurting I kept my distance because I couldn't take any more pain - so she accused me of punishing her.
Sounds to me like he loves you so much.......but he is hurting even more.
Whatever you did, it does seem that it has put the relationship in jeopardy, and he has concluded that it is a pattern that will be repeated in future.
Somehow you have got to show him that you are going to chnage or be different in some way. And that you are taking positive steps - that its not just words.
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