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female
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*abybear
writes: I am suffering hard core from a break up. I got some closure from my boyfriend (now ex) last night. He says the past two weeks have been hell for him too, as we broke up two weeks ago. He says it is like he asked God for the perfect woman, and I was delivered to him. He says that I am the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, and I posess everything he wants in a mate and more. He says he wants to be in love with me and wishes he was in love with me. Unfortunately, he is not in love with me, and he doesn't know why. He and I work together in a restaurant in NYC, and will have to see each other. He says when he sees me at work, I am just as radiant as ever, and he just wants to grab my hand and get back together, but he knows the same thing will happen. He says this will be a monkey on his back for the rest of his life. He will always wonder why he didn't fall in love with me. He says when he meets my new boyfriend or husband, (assuming that happens for me) he will want to punch his face in. Last night when we were talking on the phone he said that it was so good to talk to me, and he wished I was there with him, though he knows it is not a good idea. He wants me in his life. He is trying to keep me engaged in his life. He says I am an amazing person and important to him. Neither one of us knows why he isn't in love with me. There are no answers here. I can tell when he talks to me that he still wonders if he is making the right decision. Last night on the phone he actually said "goodnight princess" and he would call me tomorrow. He actually said that one day he hopes he will love me, and then in the same breath said he didn't want to give me false hope. None of this makes any sense. It is strange, he doesn't want to let me go in a sense. Anyway, I know it is over. That is clear. The problem folks, is that I can't get out of bed in the morning, or sing or dance or audition or do anything a struggling actress in NYC is supposed to do. My life is completely on hold. I know that my life is going to go on. Does anybody have any suggestions to what I can do to help myself? I hate being depressed. It is even worse because as we put it last night, the two of us are good people and this just happened. We both are like.."what the hell!" Please Help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2006): Sounds like it was a lot of infatuation on his part, which doesn't last too long. It also sounds like he didn't get to know you that well, only on the surface, because if you had a deeper connection (other than him thinking you're a goddess), then you two would feel something more for each other. Right now it just sounds like he admires you a lot and for some reason he doesn't want to get to know you more, (maybe he's afraid of ruining his perfect image of you). Anyway, if this that's how he feels and he's not willing to go any further with you, then forget about him. He's not worth putting your life on hold for.
A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (3 May 2006):
 You are understandably confused right now, and the problem is your ex-boyfriend is giving you very mixed signals, (saying you are the most beautiful, amazing person, but he cannot be with you as he's not in love with you.) It's a bit like the guys that say, "I love you, but your too good for me" He's trying to let you down gently, but in effect is stopping you from moving on because you think if he thinks your so wonderful there must be a chance that one day he will fall in love with you and everything will be alright again.
You need to move on now, and as much as you may like his calls I would distance yourself from him as much as you can. You can be friendly and civil to him at work, but I don't feel you're doing yourself any favours by taking his calls, you are hanging on his every word, and living in hope.
Time to get real now, tell him you need time to get over the relationship, and why you are distancing yourself from him. Hopefully in time you can be friends again, but for now you need to concentrate on getting your life back on track.
Good luck!
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