A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'd like to know why this man who is 20 years older than me winks at me every time he sees me, and usually when we are alone, and what you think of the rest of the situation ?. I am 25, and he is 45. He is single, and has never been married, and doesn't have kids. He used to be worried about what people were saying about the age gap.We met in a club and i think some of the men there made fun of him for liking me.I didn't see that happening, but he told me that's what happened. He is also a bit distant sometimes too when he sees me,although sometimes he isn't, and once, he was sat in another room near the bar,and he saw me walk in to the room opposite ( you can see through to it from the bar),and he was stood up, and when he saw me look at him, he sat down very quickly. I have also stayed out his house a couple of times, but he didn't try to pressure me to have intercourse with him,although he did ask me to give him oral sex ( but i didn't ). He kept saying he wanted me to suck his nipple too lol which i did but i had never been asked to do that by any guys i have known before, so i found that a bit strange.We also went out on a few dates with each other but he stopped doing that around the time those men made fun of him, so i usually just see him in the club where we met every now and then. He also introduced me to his brother and his brother's wife once, and when i was in the club with my dad once, he said he wanted me to introduce him to my dad as he hadn't met him before. And when i have been to his house, he has introduced me to his parents.He did have a bad past though. He used to go with prostitutes, and hasn't had many relationships.I know people usually think that's bad, but i'm not sure why he did it.He has also said i am the best thing that's ever happened to him. What do you think about this ?.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010): I don't know, i guess i just wanted to try and understand their behaviour. I've also known someone who was the opposite of that. He wanted to be with me, but he was too clingy and obsessive. Seems like i can't do right whichever way you look at it. I know nobody is perfect though.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): I really don't understand why you are going on about this or why you try to put meaning behind what a guy does at a club. You have known both these men for years and unless I am missing something here, neither one of them is pursuing a relationship with you.
They sound more like friends and drinking buddies than beaus.
I really think you just need to stop wondering. Men will go after what they want, if they want to be with you and date you they will be making that very clear to you by asking you out and developing a relationship and becoming your steady date.
None of that is happening, so time to go meet some other guys who do want to be with you.
I am sure they look at you because you are a girl that's it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Also, once , a guy closer to my age was chatting me up and tried to pull my chair closer to him and tried to kiss me. When the guy left, this man said " he is only after one thing, i'm with you because I want to be ". He also said that once, this guy kept teasing him saying that he was going out with me, and he said he was getting annoyed and threatened to hit him. Funnily enough, i've also started having a crush on this other guy too. We have also known each other for a few years, but i most likely only like him for his looks, as i don't know much about him as a person. I met both these guys in the same year, so i've known him a few years too. Infact, they both act pretty similar. This other guy also got annoyed my another man who was sat with me ( who was only a friend ). He kept giving him evil looks, and both these guys i've mentioned have asked why i haven't been in the club for a long time, whenever there has been a long gap where i haven't been in, and, during the time the younger guy saw me sat with my male friend, he asked what i was doing later on, and i said i was staying in the club. Then he said he had to leave as he had to get up early for work then left. This younger guy also doesn't speak to me sometimes when he sees me. Last time i saw him, i was stood near the bar and he walked over and stood near the bar, and i saw him look at me once through the corner of his eye. He wasn't stood there for long and he left the room after that. I'm not sure if that means anything. I didn't say hello to him as i was too shy and plus he was stood right next to the other man i mentioned . He also said once, quite a while ago that he had liked me since he first met me, but even then i had know him a while. Last time i asw him, when he stood near the bar, he may not have spoke to me because i was talking to my dad at the time too.I know some people would probably think it would be better for me to be with someone closer to my age, but if something did happen with this other guy, it could cause some tension with the older guy. They both go in the club regularly. I'm not sure if the younger guy is still interested though as when i last saw him, which was a couple of weeks ago, i hadn't seen him for a few months before that. It makes it a bit awkward if i want to speak to either of them anyway, as they are usually in the games room, and it's mostly men in there lol, although sometimes a few women are in there, and i either go in there or i'm in the room where the artist is on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): Just to add, he is a friend of the family.My family also gave him a lot of stick at first but then they calmed down and accepted it. This was the family members who didn't know him that well though.He also told me that his dad said i was a lovely girl once. Sadly, his dad died recently, and i said " your dad liked me didn't he ? ", and he said " my dad liked everybody ". He also told my dad about it. He has known some of my family members for years. At first, i used to go in the club weekly, and he came over to me first all the time. He has also got annoyed when other men have chatted me up, but again, i don't know if he was jealous or if it was just a knock to his ego. He used to stare when he saw other people chatting me up and he'd come over to me and ask what they wanted, and he stared at me when i was dancing. I have known him for a few years now, although there have been some long gaps where i haven't seen him, so i just wonder why he would still bother with me after all this time. I have also dated other guys during the times i haven't seen him, although he doesn't know that. Also, a man asked my name once and asked who my relatives were, then this man i am talking about said he was going to hit him. Then he looked at me and laughed and said " no , i'll hit him tomorrow ", as if he was trying to act good infront of me or something. And, also, he sat infront of some of those men when he was talking to me and my dad. Well, i'm not sure if they were the ones who so called made fun of him, but those men apparently went in the room he usually goes in, where we were sat talking. There are afew rooms you can go in in the club.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): If a guy is 45 and never been married and picking up 25 year olds in the bar, he is interested in only one thing, sex with a 25 year old.
You can tell what his intentions are with you by asking you for oral sex. Any woman close to his own age with any class would have picked up her purse and asked him to take her home. And why are you staying over at his house? Spending the night with a man implies that you want to have sex with him. When you did not put out you notice his interest in you waned.
He is a manipulative jerk and he is feeding you a lot of "lines". Meeting people that are close to him when you don't even have a relationship means nothing...except that maybe he wants them to know he is dating you so that if he runs into them while you are around they will behave as if they approve whether they do or not.
You can do better. Meeting a regular at a bar is not casting your net out into the dating pool, it is taking what ever slides up to the bar.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2010): He think's you are young and naive sweetie and uses them lines to get what he want's dont fall for it. and if he like you or want's you he's not going to worry about what others have to say.
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