A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been married for 4 years; we dated for 4 years before he asked me to marry him ... and that was mainly because I'd told him that I wanted a husband and had no intentions of staying in the relationship any longer. Anyway, he's not very open with his life and our communication is at an all time low. I'm very frustrated. Oh, I'm his fourth wife! He's my second husband. So, this is not our first rodeo. I asked him, 'after having been married 3 other times, what are some things that you've learned to help you be a better mate?' He told me he'd done everything right and could not see anything further he could have done. I knew then I was in trouble. He's a good provider; but recently, he said that I'm taking him for granted. He refuses to elaborate ... I think he's a bit confused. He's turning 63 and I'm 54 ... what are some things to suggest when a man feels he's being taken for granted. Again, I feel this is an excuse for other things lacking (low libido, low communication, lack of confidence; neglected childhood, pride, maturity, etc.). However, I don't want to ignore anything and want to try to be the best wife; but if he's not opening up, what's a girl to do???
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (29 August 2011):
Hi there. Feeling like he's being taken for granted, could mean that he feels misunderstood.
After four years, the newness of the relationship has no doubt worn off a bit. That usually takes about 2 to possibly 3 years to get to that stage.
Relationships don't stay in the butterflies in the stomach stage forever, it's just not possible. Reality soon sets in - mortgages, bills, moodiness in the morning, problems at work etc. The bubble soon bursts. However, all is not lost.
Perhaps it's simply that you don't have enough fun together. Maybe you don't go out enough - dinner, shows, picnics. You might find that you both sit at home a lot of your free time and just watch tv. That's pretty common for a lot of couples. It's a habit that seems to form once you tie the knot. Not intentionally of course, it's just a kind of evolution.
That could be a part of it.
Maybe he's bored with his life. He might need to start a hobby or play golf, go fishing.
What he and you both might be missing could be a sense of purpose. A reason to get out of bed each morning. A driving force. A passion.
Another thing that could be happening, is there might be an imbalance in your methods of "giving" to each other.
By this, I mean the way you show your appreciation towards each other.
Perhaps he feels that he gives more of himself to the relationship than you do. That he gives more than he gets. Maybe there's a sense of imbalance in him regards that.
In relationships there are about 5 love languages. These are the way in which you show that other significant person in your life, just how much you love them - on a day to day basis.
(1) Words of Affirmation.
(2) Quality Time.
(3) Receiving Gifts.
(4) Acts of Service.
(5) Physical Touch.
You and your husband will have your own language of how you express yourself within the relationship.
These are all fairly self explanatory in their description.
If you are not sure what yours and his languages are, if you look at what you fight about, you will see some clues there, I'm sure.
Whatever you find him complaining about the most. And what you complain about to him the most.
If you do this, you will get an idea of where he's coming from.
Apparently, it seems that his needs are not being met and probably yours aren't being met either.
A very common complaint in relationships, is often that couples feel they aren't appreciated enough.
Perhaps this is what he feels. That you don't appreciate him or value him enough. And if that's the case, you probably need to find a way of showing him this.
We all want to feel that we are important and that we matter.
He might not be able to articulate this even if you asked him, however, it could be a definite clue, just the same.
It looks like you might have to do some close observation of him from now on, and see how you think you could make things better between you. It's never too late, you know.
While there is life, there is hope.
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