A
female
age
36-40,
*utterfliesarefree
writes:I'm at a major cross roads in my life and just don't know what to do for the best.Around 6 years ago I got in touch with my HS sweetheart we had dated a little but he got obsessed so I stopped contact just before we finished school. We mainly talked online or by text and 5 years ago we met up it went well but since then we haven't seen each other just kept in touch by email/text. That was until 3 months ago.Since we met 5 yrs ago I have had 2 children (being with my partner for 10 yrs now) and he has married and had a child himself.When we met up a few months ago it was perfect and we even had sex for the first time. That wasn't all it was about though we talked for hours and had so much in common. He told me 'you know we can't be together... Its just a bit of fun'. I'm sort of ok with that. We both have commitments elsewhere but he confuses me as he tells me I'm perfect/amazing etc and he even drove 3 hours just to see me. I have confided in a friend who says that a man that just wants sex wouldn't go to all this trouble and would just pick up a girl from a bar etc he's told me before that he has feelings for me and that he really likes me (this was about 2 years ago) he blows hot and cold on me. Sometimes its like he's really into me and then other times I feel like I'm annoying him. He's always sending me mixed messages.I guess basically I just don't know where to go from here. I want to be with this man but the way he behaves makes me feel insecure about the way he feels about me.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): Your friend might find it hard to believe, but the vast majority of men actually have to work hard to get a new casual sex partner and we still don't always get it.
A
female
reader, butterfliesarefree +, writes (11 September 2011):
butterfliesarefree is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your answers I guess in some ways you've all given me lots to think about.I am still with my partner but only for the kids - I cannot afford to live by myself and neither can my partner. We both know romantically our relationship is over but we are good friends.This other guy has mentioned leaving his wife before - before we saw and slept with each other. I don't think he would as they have a good lifestyle together and, if he did leave her, he would lose that.Sometimes its like he can't wait to see me and others he doesn't reply to my texts at all - plus he's only called me twice since we met and this is something I'm really not happy about.I just feel like this has been going on for 15 years now and I need it to come to a end one way or another I'm tired of been in limbo with him
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 September 2011):
 Like anonymous said, it is what it is. You are just for fun, that's what he said. He drove 3 hours not to "be with you" as such, but 3 hours was convenient because anywhere closer his wife might have found out.
Sure he could have gotten a whore, but we're not all wired that way. Sex isn't just sex to all of us. I don't doubt he means what he says about you, but when he says you are perfect he means perfect to have on the side. Perfect to have an emotional affair with. If you ask him he'll deny it, but it's true. If you were really "perfect" he'd divorce to have you, right?
It is what it is. As long as you're happy, good. But do not expect more! This is JUST FOR FUN, like the man put it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2011): He likes you for sex and that's it and YES he'd drive three hours for it...out of town is far enough not to interfere with his personal life. As far as the connection with you, there is some there but not enough for him to want more and that's why he said you're just fun. It is what it is and I wouldn't make more of it. Hot and cold means UNAVAILABLE because that's how he wants it.
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