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anonymous
writes: I've been with my partner for 4 years we've had some rough times but got through. He suffers with panic and anxiety attacks which get him down but we've got through them. We have a 2yr old son whom we both adore. My partner has recently told me he needs space and I'm too possessive, which I'm not. I basically let him do what he wants but he's now constantly on the net or out. I can't even have a conversation with him or anything. I've asked if he still wants to be with me he just replies "I'm here, aren't I? But if you want me to go, I will". I'm really hurt and confused. I'm running the house and looking after our son and I work part time. He says with me asking him questions all the time I'm pushing him away with nagging, but I need to know where I stand. This is ripping me apart.
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (7 April 2005):
 Your partner sounds like he might be suffering from depression. Has anything happened recently in his life that might have triggered it, things like loss of a friend, or family member, an accident, or problems with his job?He really seems to be "retreating to his cave", as some of the new-ager philosophies describe it. What I mean by that, is that he's avoiding whatever it is that's hurting him by fixating on being away from home and by going online. Your frequent "nagging"/questioning him about his feelings and where your relationship is headed (though perfectly understandable) keeps dragging him out of his "cave". He just doesn't want to talk about it.Fair enough. You already know THAT.Because he's chosen not to deal with this latest problem (whatever it is), you might need to take the initiative. I suggest you schedule an appointment with his doctor - it would be great if your partner would go, but he probably won't - and speak to him/her, explaining that things have recently taken a turn for the worse. There may be an adjustment to a medication, or a new prescription that might help him over this hump. Perhaps the doctor can refer him to a specialist for some tests to see if there is some chemical problem.Once you've addressed any physical reason for the way he's behaving, he will (we hope) be more inclined to work on your communication issues. Preferably with a professional. I can't overemphasise how useful it is to have someone around who is experienced with helping people overcome these problems... and it really helps to know that other people have conquered exactly what you're going through.Ask your partner to help you out. Don't whine about it, but tell him that it's affecting your relationship, and that you want your son to grow up with TWO loving parents in the same household, something that might not happen if things keep up the way they are.Put the ball in his court, but if he doesn't respond, you may have to decide to take action yourself. Above all, don't stay in a place where you're not respected and loved.Take care and good luck.
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