A
female
age
51-59,
*Lwife
writes:I have been married just about 3 months. We have been together about 2.5 years, during this time we had many mini (few days to couple of months) breakups. Some of the reasons for those breakups were financial, him being nagative toward life(I am quite an optimist, which he totally agrees on these aspects) and his sex addiction (which includes some atcual cheating I found out). But he improved a lot, now about one year he says he donesn't have sex addiction (urge to have sex with almost anybody) for women, but now his biggest sexual fantasy has been that I have sex with other guys (crazy, but he gets really excited by this idea) and he says because of this he is quite free from distraction of women. Now he says my problem has been my drinking. I try to be as honest as possible, I used to drink about half a bottle of wine about 5-6 days a week. He says I am not as loving and hates me to drink. FYI, I was never told by anybody that I have a drinking problem (by changing attitude etc. Usually referred as a fun company). But since my husband dislikes it (his body doesn't take alcohl very well, easily gets sick and he dislikes people drinking in general) I made an deal with him I will drink only on the weekends and special occasions, in return, he said I would not have to worry about him watching porn. (Even after the sex addition is gone, he was regularly watching porn) But since we got married I have found out he has used porn twice. He says if I totally quit drinking, he would totally quite watching porn. I know I can stop when I want to (I have done so in the past when necessary like pregnancy etc) but he swears I would not be able to stop and also his porn is not a problem. I don't know what to do. Please advise!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; there seems to be numerous problems troubling the waters of this marriage. I personally don't think that going into detail about the issues raised in your posting is going to help or give you any solutions; I suggest you both NEED COUNSELING.
If you want to save this marriage I cannot see any other way but counseling; there are deeper issues causing the factors/problems you have mentioned.
You and your husband need to talk and decide about the future of this marriage; if you are both committed to make it work then please make an effort and start counseling a.s.a.p.; if he does not want to go with you; I suggest you start it on your own as it will help you to deal with deep rooted problems and issues that is affecting you; it will also help you to get a better perspective of the way forward.
Think about your future and discuss this with your husband.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES to you.
Keep us posted.
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