A
female
age
51-59,
*o HURT
writes:i've been dating a guy for 4years now and fell hard for him, he to says he loves me. problem is i'm married. my boyfriend just broke up with me because we were at a concert with some friends and i stepped out to have a smoke and get a drink. He felt i left him for to long and told me i disgust him and he doesnt want to see me again. i'm having a really hard time with this, he wont answer my calls or texts. i dont know what to do with my boyfriend situation or my marriage situation. i'm miserable. what should i do?
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male
reader, penguinboy25 +, writes (9 July 2010):
Well first you would have to explain to the forum why you have been having an affair for the last 4 years. If your husband is truly a good man then i hate to break it to you but he is the victim, not you. I don't care if you have been bored in your marriage it is completely flawed to lash out in an affair. Don't you ever think about how he would feel when you are with this other guy?? Clearly you need to figure out what is going on with marriage as you have been injecting some serious poison into the situation. Good luck and god bless.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): First things first, what about the marriage. Is this a fling, a safety net that relation you have or what. Start first by identifying your problem which is you are a married woman having an affair and so your chances are high that your boyfriend would pick up a fight. Start first do you want to work on your marriage or not, and is it worth saving or not. Once you reach a solution go for it. If you were to stay work on your marriage, if you want to split split, consider everything. Then, give yourself some time to know what is the type of a guy you want. The situation you mentioned cannot be a cause to break up, is he sane or mad at you for other reasons. He is either a control freak which I don't think he is or that he is used to you neglecting him and he just got mad this time. Give him like a week without calling, but text him daily with "I love you"and then call.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 July 2010):
The very first thing you need to do is work on your marriage. The marriage has clearly become either unbearable for you that you can't commit, or you've decided that it's no longer for you. That needs to be your focus here.
As for this 'boyfriend', I'm thinking that he's probably just had enough of waiting around. He's been waiting around for 4 years while you've not been making decisions that have needed to be made. The other issue is that I think he was using you. you're married, he saw that you were unhappy and decided to use you while he could. Maybe he's just had enough.
Either way, the thing you need to focus on is your marriage. Either it's dead, in which case you need to end it, or maybe it can be fixed. Given that you've been having an affair for 4 years, I'd suggest it's over and that you need to end it.
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