A
female
age
41-50,
*rokenhearted76
writes:I have been with this guy for 14 years. We have 3 kids together. Now in our 14 years together we have had alot of make up break ups. and we were apart for almost 2 months he was in another state and called me to say he messed up and wanted me back. so we got back together and everything was alright. until our next break up, this time it was my fault I was talking to other people and so he started to. I didnt want to lose him so i changed and we got back together. that was almost 6 years ago and everything was forgiven. see our life style was staying home all the time because we had 3 kids and no babysitter. and i thought everything was fine. up until he met a group of guys and started going out. now he goes out on the weekends and stays out all hours of the night. he told me that he was out of love with me and didnt want to be with me. first he said he wasnt happy for 3 years and then it went to 2 now its at a year and a half. I mean he told me 2 months b4 this that he was in love with me and would never let me go. Now he tells me its over and isnt in love with me. He says he wants to move out. he stills goes out with his friends but leave me at home with the kids. I love this guy and want to be with him. we have history together he says his heart isnt in it and that he cant make it work with me because he isnt in love with me. He tells me he still loves and cares for me and misses the times we were together. Can someone please help me. He says he dont want any other woman and he dont need another relationship. we still at this time live togeth and even sleep in the same bed. can someone please tell me we can find love again. I mean have so many times b4. and the funny thing is we met on a *69 call it was a crank call and we started talking and we started dating and well here we are. We both believe that it was fate. so please please what should i do I really love this guy and want him!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2009): it seems to me that he's having a form of mid-life crisis. and to some extent, i believe it's rather natural. sometimes, when you've been in a relationship for a long period of time, especially with children involved, life just becomes so routine. and for some people, that routine is ideal and exactly what they want out of their life. but for others, it's stiffeling and becomes boring. it seems as though these friends he met and began going out with have opened up the side of him he's probably not seen in a while. obviously he needs his space to go out and have fun with the guys and drink/have a good time. and it doesn't mean he doesn't love you, necessarily. he just probably needs his space. if i could suggest anything to you, it'd be one of two things: let him go do his thing. give him some space to go party and do whatever he feels he needs to do. let him get it out of his system, and just completely back off. either that, or tell him you understand he needs a change of pace, and that you want to work through it together. suggest to him that on weekends, you find a sitter, and go out and have a drink TOGETHER. do spontaneous things with one another. he just needs things to be spicened up a bit. i promise, that's all it is...
A
female
reader, carriebaby  +, writes (22 January 2009):
 It sounds like your relationship has hit a rock. You both have no life because you are in the house 24/7 minding the kids. no 1 said your social life should stop just because you have kids. Find a babysitter, make the effort and arrange to go on a date with him. Say to him he should give it one last try. Get your hair done, go for a nice meal and try to talk things through. 14 years is a long time to be with someone and the thought of not being with them hurts alot.Have a heart to heart with him. Unfortunately if you dont suceed on this date then you are going to have to face reality. He has out grown you, he has found his social life again and thats what he wants. The worst thing you can do is stay together because of the kids.
i wish you al the best and i hope he sees sense.
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