A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Me and my husband have been together for almost 4 and a half years and we have been married 1 year. I want to have a baby like yesterday, and my husband says hes not ready but i know he is. He is great with children. Im a nanny for a little boy and they play and have a great time together. He always comes up with lame reasons why he's not ready, like he was afraid our child would become a nerd. I think he just likes having control over the sitution. We have a nice house, nice cars, we have money in savings. We love each other alot,but im getting really tired of waiting on him to change his mind, im not a patiant person and i have been tring to convince him for a year now. What can i say to change his mind, or do i need to just be more patient? i try praying about it but like i said im not that patient. Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2008): Why do you want to change his mind? An unsure mind might get convinced temporarily to a point to accept responsibility, but what is the guarantee it wont change over the next 9months? Yes- A baby changes everything! But do you really want to manipulate your other half's mind? Or would you want him to willingly and open heartedly accept this choice?
Having and rearing a child is 1/2 yours and 1/2 his responsibility.
Try talk out..
1. Your priorities as individuals
2. His fears
3. His future plans.
Try understand him and then try be understood!
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (2 October 2008):
 Don't you want having children to be a positive event for him? Your desire for wanting children is natural and beautiful, but it's getting to the point of selfishness. Maybe he just wants to have some more alone time with you before your lives get devoted to children.
Don't push children too hard on him. The more you push, the less you gain. He'll only resent you and start to dread the word "baby". Give the guy another year or two, and just enjoy the silence and the freedom. Once children come into the picture, that will all be gone until they're all out of the house.
Maybe while you're being patient and having fun with your boyfriend over the next few years, you can start savings accounts for the children. A little extra time to save up for the future will make it so much easier. You can never be too prepared.
Settle down and simply enjoy. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, unknownlady  +, writes (2 October 2008):
 to be honest i think your in the wrong here. you cant persuade someone to have a baby with you!
Thats just insane. Even if u have been together 4 years, married or not.
Just because he gets on with kids and plays with them and looks happy with them, that doesnt mean in anyway what so ever that he is ready HIMSELF to have children. He may like them but mentally and physically isnt ready yet.
"hes not ready but i know he is" - Now thats just pathetic. he says hes not ready but ur basically telling him he is. :/ no i dont think tht quite works, hes telling u hes not ready and seroiusly hes not ready! start listening or u will get no where.
You think he trys to control situations but you should look and what your doin and read what you have wrote because it seems you are the controllling one here.
your relationship sounds liek a disaster! if i ever said to my bf, i want to have a baby and he told me he wasnt ready, i wud think of his needs and respect them. a baby is a big chage in a life and a relationship, hes not ready u carnt force him no matter how much persuading u do.
if i was you id get off his back about it. because i wouldnt want to be with you if thats how your recacting , and crnt respect his needs and feelings.
before u have a baby id take a look at te relationship itself first. and ur attitude to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): You said 'my husband says hes not ready but i know he is'.
Let me tell you something - you don't know your husband as well as you think you do. In serious matters such as this, men will tell the absolute truth and you'd better believe it. Trust me - if he says he's not ready he has reservations about it at the very least, if not objections.
You also said 'I'm not a patient person' which gives me another clue. He doesn't want to be bulldozed into this, he wants to make up his own mind and be absolutely sure that's what he wants - and all in his own good time. Maybe he's reluctant because of all the upheaval bringing a baby into the house will entail. You can't just leave a baby if you want to go out of an evening. There's the added expense, plus only one lot of wages coming into the household.
If he feels strongly about it he's unlikely to want to change his mind. Any baby should be wanted very badly by both parents. If you decide to trick him into it by stopping taking the pill or whatever, be prepared for a whole bucketful of resentment - most of it directed at the baby.
Finally, you're still very young, although you might not think so. If I had my time again I wouldn't even consider having kids until I was at least 25 years of age.
There's no guarantee he'll change his mind about it but I suspect if you back off, stop pestering him and don't mention it for the next 12 months he might just be more receptive to the idea of becoming a father in the meantime.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2008): You need to let it go. If you press it he will resent you. If you "talk" him into it.. as soon as the newness of that baby wears off you two will have SERIOUS issues! Be patient and wait.
When he is ready a baby will be a joyous addition to your family if its forced it will either be the end of your family as you know it or everyone will grow old with resentment. He will be soar that you made him a dad, you will hate that he resents his family, and your child will feel unloved (even if no one ever says anything to him or her.
Take this time to enjoy being a couple, start a new hobby. And if you need more baby time volunteer at a hospital or somewhere will you can love, encourage, and support small children.
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