A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me that he's had way hotter girlfriends than me, but he still tells me he thinks I'm beautiful/gorgeous on the inside and also on the outside and he loves me more then anything and that I don't even compare to his previous ex gfs.. What am I suppose to think or how should I feel?? I was very upset and hurt when he told me this, it made me feel like I was his lowest standard and the ugliest girlfriend he's ever had and I feel like my self esteem is just so low and I don't know what to do or what he even meant by saying this to me. He said he meant "hotter" as in what most guys would probably go after more or find more attractive the majority of the time which makes sense and but he also said that some of the girls he dated didn't even have what he was attracted to, but yet I have that. None of this is making sense to me. I need to know what this means translated into female language because I'm just not understanding.
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male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (3 April 2013):
This is the equivalent to a girl telling a guy she's had bigger and better penises but your little one is just perfect. The logic doesn't add up. Unless you have told your bf this (in which case his reply would be totally justified) I think his comment was downright insensitive. Honesty in relationships can go too far. Tell him how much his comment hurt you and you expect him to make it better. If he doesn't then kick him to the curb and find someone better.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2013): Out of all the answers here, I'm with Cerberus the most.
He meant you're not what "society" would call beautiful or hot, but HE thinks you are. I'm the same way. I'm attractive, but my boobs are not big, and my nose isn't completely straight. My husband loves my "flaws". But I'm sure society would point out those things about me, and say it makes me look unattractive. I don't care, though, because I'm with my husband so I don't have to care what other men (or women) think.
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A
female
reader, R1  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Men need to know when to shut up sometimes as that is a hurtful comment but he probably didnt realise this at the time. I'm afraid you will have to let him off for this one as its just one of those dumb things boys say.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): The way this subject got brought up was that I told him to tell me more about his previous relationships and how they ended up. Let alone this is not a comment of what I was expecting to roll out of his mouth either... and he told me not to take it wrong or whatever u wanna call it. But how am I suppose to take that any other way? My heart literally shattered right then and there..he says that I am no comparison to any of his previous gfs and that I'm better then all of them and that he's done the most with me in a relationship then with any other girl he's been with before.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. That was a mean thing to say, how did he think that would make you feel. It could be a way of putting you down to make you feel you are lucky to be with him. I'd let him know how it hurt your feelings & if he continues with remarks like that, I'd date someone else.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (2 April 2013):
 If I had a nickel for every girl who I've dated.... .and who told me that she had dated (other) guys who were "...'way much hotter than me....".... I'd be one very well-to-do man!!!!!!
Good luck...
P.S. I STILL "get my share...."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Hang on a sec, did you ask him about them? Did you start this whole conversation and do the usual woman thing of fishing for a compliment? Because if you did then sorry but that's just what you get.
OP he was just being honest. You ladies are always going on about how you want a guy to be honest, so if you asked him about them then this is your honest reply.
It sounds like all he meant was they're what society would view as being hotter than you but he thinks you're perfect. That's all.
I mean there are hotter women out there than you aren't there? There are certainly far more handsome men out there than me, but I don't give a rats arse.
OP technically my fiancée isn't the hottest woman I've been with, I certainly would never say that to her but I've had some exs that make Jessica Alba look like Courtney Love. Put my fiancée side by side with them and most men would say my ex was prettier, I know for a fact that when my fiancée looks around she can point out guys who are hotter than me too. It's completely irrelevant and all boils down to how she views me and I her. We think both of us are gorgeous, literally beautiful in all ways and enough to want to spend our lives together. I mean shit OP, life's not a competition, we're in our 30's neither think we're the hottest people on the planet and neither of us care about "hotness" just how we feel about each other.
Your boyfriend is just young and foolish for putting it that way, you're young and foolish for thinking you have to compete and you're an even bigger idiot if you're the one who started that conversation looking for compliments.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I agree with Honeypie here. This is a power issue with him. He wants you off balance, insecure, knocked down a peg, with the underlying message being "I can get someone better than you". Way hotter? I'd invite him to go ahead.
I also agree -- what a useless thing to say. How would you feel if you said you had better boyfriends than him, better in bed, better looking, "way hotter"?
Don't fall for it. He's putting you down to make himself look better, and to keep control in the relationship. If it were me, I'd consider tossing him, because no mature guy would say something so stupid or cruel.
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A
male
reader, HopelessLee +, writes (2 April 2013):
That seems like an intentionally hurtful statement. I am no sure on the dynamic of your relationship but I would say he said that to knock you down to some extent and maybe it is due to his own insecurities. I would recommend definitely bringing it up in terms of how that made you feel as well as what his intentions were when he said that. Typically things are not said like that on accident and he certainly has motives behind that statement. Also if that kind of remark lowers your self esteem then tell him and make sure that does not happen again because it could be a verbally abusive situation progressing into something possibly worse. I hope it works out and keep your head up. This too shall pass:)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I think in clumsy guy talk he was trying to pay you a compliment. As in, he could have conventional, ho-hum, run-of-the-mill, ordinary sexy out of a bottle and tanning salon type of girl but that he thinks you are amazing and gorgeous without needing to try to look like the men's magazines fakey model types.
Ask him if that is what he meant. If he says, 'yes,' then great. Then tell him to never ever in a million years compare you to other women ever ever again if he wants to keep his testicles intact.
If he says, 'no,' that he thinks you are unattractive and plain, dump his foolish backside!
Oh, and tell him to NEVER EVER talk about his exes again. He owes you a huge apology for doing so.
Now pull your self-esteem out of the basement and recognize that someone can only make you feel inadequate if you give them permission.
Okay? Big girl panties on, big boost of self-confidence and tell him how he should be paying compliments to you. Be specific and give examples.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (2 April 2013):
It means your boyfriend is a jerk, first of all. Beyond that he may mean "hot" as in wearing makeup, hair done, high heels, short skirts, etc. Who knows? That's just a mean thing to say to someone you love.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2013): Some men are incredibly stupid, the rest is just plain rotten.
Then again, EVERY single woman over analyses. You should be the one who knows him best, was he just really bad at making a compliment OR is he telling you to feel lucky he is banging your ugly ass? And really, guys some guys are really that stupid and some guys are really that much of an asshole.
Your pick, either your boyfriend is dumb as shit or just a shit.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 April 2013):
 Honestly DID you tell him how that statement made you feel? And did you ask him WHY he felt he had to tell you that?
It could be for two reasons; 1. to make him self look like a better "catch" then he really is or 2. to make you feel insecure and thus easier to control.
I would REALLY have a long chat about this with him. Ask him HOW he would feel if you put out a statement like that to him. Ask him how he would FEEL if you said I have had BF with a bigger penis (for instance), better job..
I think it's a rather stupid thing to say to a person you claim to love.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (2 April 2013):
 I'll never understand why some guys do that. Do they think that it makes us feel more lucky to be with them or what?
Anyway, if my boyfriend said that to me it would be over . . . For sure. That's just some bullshit. Im sorry but that's just the way i see it. That was just very insensitive and harsh of your boyfriend. Its just a horrible thing to say to a woman seriously. That was so jerk-like. Tell him how it made you feel and talk about it. If that doesn't work maybe he can go and be with someone who is uhm so called "hotter"!
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