A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey everyone, im a little confused as usual in my complicated relationship. i dont know if i have like a problem and this would happen with every guy im with or if its just because my hearts not all the way in this relationship anymore. so for starters we have been together for about 4 years. we argue all the time and i do mean all the time. we break up more than we should because we get in such big fights that the only way to end the fight is to break up for a few days and cool off. we have tried to go on breaks but he wont leave me alone long enough for the break to ever work. he drives me crazy about every little thing. iv never in my life been more annoyed by anyone. he tells me all the time that he is gona change and blah blah blah and he does temporarily and then it all goes back to the same old crap again. i feel like after four years you should know what your partner does and does not like and if they dont like something why would you continue to do it and then wonder why they are mad? and to this day he doesnt trust me and yes we have both gave each other reasons not to trust each other but they were a long time ago and i have moved on from it and trust him fully. but if i go anywhere without him then i get like 50 questions about it and i get so irritated that he just keeps going anf then we fight and he says its my fault..like am i crazy..would that not drive you insane also? if someone asked you a million questions about everything you do all the time and if you give a one word answer then that means your up to something. its so stupid and i dunu how much more i can deal with. so when hes "changing" things start to look up and i feel like maybe i am in love with him and i feel like how could i ever be without this boy.Then when he realizes hes got me back and things go the same again. i just start hating him. and i want to talk to other guys and i just want him to leave me alone. its such a big cycle of bullshit. and will it ever end? do you think he will ever fully change and quit trying to be so controlling? or should i expect this cycle forever if i want to be with him? and back to the origanal question that brought me here, i like talking to other guys, not like saying bad things, just talk and get to know them. they know about my relationship and sometimes we talk about it. usually it ends with the guy telling me my boyfriend is crazy and i need to leave him. when me nad my boyfriend do good i ignore these guys and when we do bad i feel like i go running to them. if my heart was really in this relationship would i still want to talk to these other guys? if i was with someone else do you think i would be the same way? im really just curious on everyones thoughts and thank you in advance. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes i have normal friends to talk to but i feel like they get so tired of hearing about my relationship problems all the time.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2010): Yeah totally caught up in the cycle and he sees you coming back so he just goes back to who he was. Its almost like this guy is manipulative and that is very very immature and outright disrespectful. I think its gonna hafta be you to take the initiative and break this off appropriately. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (8 December 2010):
 You're caught up in the cycle and you need to break out of it. Your boyfriend is never going to change for good. If you don't get out this is how the rest of your life is going to be...boring, aggravating and controlling. When he changes you are not really back in love with him...you are relieved because the stress is gone for a while. Too bad it always comes back.
You will have to make the choice to be free of this on your own. He will not help you and in fact he will make it hard for you. You will have to be the one to be strong and free both of you to concentrate on being happy again.
You talk to these other guys because you need to vent. Don't you have regular friends you can vent to and talk to regularly?
...............................
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (8 December 2010):
 This started 4 years ago and has been a vicious cycle ever since, it's going to keep on being the cycle that is the longer you let this go on. You're tired of the bs and him promising to change. He displays a bit of change, but has yet to fully change himself. Change takes a long time, requires effort, and some work, in which he has yet to invest. In fact you already know the answers to these questions. You want your boyfriend to leave you alone and you've heard it from other guys. Quit prolonging the inevitable, break this relationship off for good. Your boyfriend isn't who you want him to be and cannot offer the relationship that you two once had, sorry.
...............................
A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (8 December 2010):
I suppose I recommend taking a much much longer break than normal. First off, tell him everything you just typed on here so he knows exactly what it is about him that drives you crazy so he is aware of what he needs to change. Second, lay down some rules for the "break." Express that you should not be texting, calling, IMing, or Facebook posting (whatever variation you want) for a set amount of time (you can say a month or two or more if you feel it necessary) Third, before the break, make it clear to him whether or not you want this to be a break that allows you both to date other people or not. Once you're both completely aware of the "rules," just do it.
During this time he can either choose to make a change for good, or he can choose to move on and do nothing. This gives you time as well to assess how your life might truly be different without him. Spend some time doing things you normally don't do, seeing friends you haven't gotten to see, working on school work, etc. Perhaps soon you'll get a good feel of how much you miss him in your life, and more importantly, he'll be experiencing the same thing.
Set a date to talk again in the future, set out a ways away and meet up to discuss how it felt and where you want to go from there.
...............................
|
