A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I like this guy ever since I was little , we grew up together and Finally one day we started texting dirty and he wants me to do stuff to him and I want to but I'm still a virgin and don't know if I could please him and I don't know how to do a blow job and all that other stuff. We kissed and made out like 3 times. He said that the next time if I don't do anything other then kissing and touching he won't talk to me anymore cause he already gave me 3 chances. What should I do ? I wanna be with him and I think that if I do stuff to him it will turn into a Friends with benefits type of thing.
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blow-job, friend with benefits, kissing, still a virgin, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 And NO sex before you are legal. The laws are there for a reason, because the law doesn't think you are mentally developed enough to understand the consequences of sex, nor is your brain developed enough to comprehend to full extent what is happening. You are not allowed by law to say that you want to have sex, and if this boy is over the age of consent then he can be charged with statutory rape EVEN IF you say you want to have sex with him.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 December 2011):
Separate yourself from this bully. You are under age. You are not allowed by law to have sex, and when he pressures you he is pressuring you into doing something illegal. This act alone is enough for you to tell your parents what he is doing, and also tell HIS parents what he is doing to you. This boy IS USING YOU, and you let him. He does not want you, and no matter if you tell yourself that you care for him, he DOES NOT CARE FOR YOU. He won't care for you even if you spread your legs and give him your virginity and tons of sex either, quite the contrary, he will not respect you, and he will treat you worse and worse.
He is horrible.. not only using you, but also acting as if he is granting you something, the pleasure of being his play-toy. Ask yourself, what are YOU getting in return that makes this a fair deal? What is he offering you that is so great you are willing to let your body be used for his pleasure and against your will?
Take responsibility for yourself, because few other will in this world. If you can't protect yourself from predators then who will? Stand up for yourself before you do something you regret, and stop talking to this guy. Tell him you gave HIM a chance to be your boyfriend, and he isn't interested, so you are dropping him.
It'll hurt, yes, it'll hurt a lot, and you will cry over it all. But then you will fall in love again and you'll forget all about this idiot.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI like him a lot but I get what you guys are trynna say so i think I'm just gunna leave him alone cause just recently it happened & ever since then we didn't text or speak /:
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): Why have you not taken this to the police or your parents or a school counsellor?
Why are you inviting in such a low life criminal?
He is a sexual predator and why do you honestly think trusting him is worth a damn?
Do you hate yourself that much you are willing to hurt yourself?
Say you give in, then he uses you, worse, rapes you as suggested, then what?
GET OFF THIS PATH OF SELF DESTRUCTION, SEEK IMMEDIATE HELP from Parents, Police, A Counsellor.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (29 December 2011):
 You DO know what to do you don't WANT to do it.
IF YOU DO NOT stay away from this brute you will LOSE your virginity.... is that what you want?
He will bully you
he will force you
he will "date rape" you
this is very very very VERY bad news honey...
How can we help you be strong???
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBlaah :( he used his sweet talk and charm, it worked!! Like I'm still a virgin but I did what you guys said I shouldn't have done.. and now I'm falling for him /: he told me there may be another chance just cause I stepped it up a little , but ge doesn't get that I don't wanna be his frien with benefits, I wanna be with him. But he just wants me to be his friend with benefits i dont know what to dooo! :(
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Hes ready for a sexual relation ship are you, theres some things to consider before saying yes. If you are not ready for a sexual relation ship then you should tell the guy that and call it off with him. In my opinion the biggest reason to be in a relation ship with someone your attracted to is the sexual experiences. It sounds to me your scared. He doesnt expect you to be good at everything he just wants you to try and anything would be better then nothing a bad BJ is better then no BJ. You get better with practice. As a male I find it annoying when females have a million reasons for not wanting to do something especially if the excuse is there not good at it your not supposed to be good at some things unless your a professional. My rule is if its not guaranteed to kill you try it once. I think this guy should have a little more patience but it takes maturity and im sure hes young. I have a theory if a guy really likes a girl hell wait as long as it takes for her to be ready if hes more in it for the sex then he wont be nearly as patient. I dont think you should be having sex at your age at all. But also you shouldnt be afraid to try things eventually when your much older im sure you where bad at riding a the first time but you did it any way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 November 2011):
What should you do?
NOT meet him.
He's bullying you
he's forcing you
FORCE = RAPE....
do NOT do what you don't want to do.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2011): Most women if you talk some regrets losing their virginity at a very young age. If you talk to most man it's the reverse. plus you are so very young and understand that this might affect your relationships for the rest of your life. focus on school and get some more girl friends and try to stay away from guys.
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A
female
reader, *problems*  +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Tell him to bog off! If he cared for you he wouldnt be asking you such nastyness! So basically if you dont do as he says he going in a huff and not speaking to you!! ... Reverse psychology- hes making you feel as though your in the wrong for not giving him 'sexual favours' so that you end up giving up because you dont want to fall out :@ .... Your better than that! Tell him to leave you alone and if you dont want to say that just dont speak to gim- he sounds really shady!! Carolann XX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): No! If you value yourself, your body, and your wellbeing dont do it!
A relationship is based on mutual trust and respect. And any sexual action is a function of the relationship. How long you have liked someone is irrelevant, if they act like this they do not care for you and you cannot change that by doing things for them.
I am sorry to say this since it is someone you seem to have feelings for, but this dirtbag is after one thing and one thing only. His own selfish sexual satisfaction, and he sees you as an easy target. He wants to use your feelings for him as leverage. No one who truly cares for you would put you in this situation, nor force you to do things you do not want to do.
The most arrogant and insipid part of all this is that he says HE is giving YOU chances? Chances to what? Prove something? Give him what he wants? Debase yourself? Ruin your youth?
NO!
If anything, you should have been the one giving him a chance, a chance to apologize the first time he said something like this. As it stands, the best thing you can do is turn around and walk away. Drop him like a rock and walk away. Tell him you're on to his little game and want no part in it. Trust me on this, it will save you a world of hurt. It will be unpleasant, and might feel bad if you have feelings for him, but it will save you a world of hurt. This coming from a guy, men like him cannot be trusted.
This way you can find someone who truly cares about and respects you. Who you can make your own decisions with regarding what and when you do, save yourself for that, so it can be a special time with a special person, not like this, never like this.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 November 2011):
 Don't ever do things you don't REALLY want to do. And NEVER do sexual things JUST to "hold" on to a guy.
Tell him to go "toot his own horn".
He is taking FULL advantage of you, your youth, naivety, inexperience, and the fact that you have had feelings for him for a long long time. Face the facts, honey, your BF/Crush is a Douche-bag in the makings.
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A
male
reader, lamborghini +, writes (14 November 2011):
Do not do it. Its disrespectful for him to press you for sex in that manner. You are still too young. Wait until you are ready and make your own judgment.
In FWB, one person always gets hurt and always it ends up badly, so please do not give in to his pressure. You can also talk and discuss this issue with your parents (as having sex and loosing your virginity is really a life changing decision) .. Best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2011): That is a sexual predator manipulating, selfish, only cares about his lust and sexual needs that he doesn't even respect you, love you, care about you.
You are just some girl he is trying to bully into getting you to give over something so sacred as your virtue, self respect, self love, self worth.
I'd punt kick his cell up his backside and shove his sorry backside out of your life PERMANENTLY.
Then tell a trusted Family Member you are being coerced into sex so he can be reprimanded for his pig and deviant behaviour.
This guy is NO FRIEND.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain +, writes (14 November 2011):
I think you already have the message that he is just using you and doesnt care about your feelings, but even more important is you have to look after yourself, you can get really hurt and made sick. If you are confident about this boyfriend you should have the courage to discuss how to stay safe with your mum or elder sister.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 November 2011):
You liked him since you were little. He starts texting dirty with you. Dirty texts does NOT mean he likes you. Dirty texts means you are good enough for free porn. Its using you, it's lack of respect, and it is rude.
You like him, he doesn't like you! Trust me. He isn't interested in you, he wont ever be, even if you spread your legs wide for him. All you will be for him is some easy fun that he can toss away like trash when he feels like it. Will you allow yourself to be treated that way? Because you are worth a heck of a lot more.
You like him and want to be with him.. but he doesn't want to be with you!!! I hope you see that. You wont make him fall in love with you, care for you, respect you or want you, if you do sexual things with him. He'll just look down at you and treat you worse. He is a loser. If he never speaks to you again then you are lucky, because all this boy wants is a whore! Tell him to save up his money and see a real prostitute, because you are better than that, and if he can't respect that, and value who you are for you, without sex, then HE isn't worth YOUR time.
Ok?? Do stuff with this guy and you are just a slut, because he DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU. But there are boys, and later on men, out there who will care for you... ok, they are out there. Better to have your first times with someone who actually cares about you, wants you to be happy, and adores you. Rather than someone who treats you like a slut.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (14 November 2011):
 you need to stay away from this guy , he will get what he wants and after he is tired of you he will be gone to another girl. (lust wants it now) love is a growing relationship between two people . say to him NO! if he loves you he will not put you into a situation that demands and puts pressure on you. you have something special( your virginity) you can only give it to someone once , don't be rushed or pushed into sex.don't throw away your virginity away and have to look back with regrets. my advice put the breaks on with this guy. it sounds like he only wants what he can get.
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A
female
reader, AbiMF +, writes (14 November 2011):
Don't do it! If he is pressuring you into doing things that you don't want to, and aren't ready for, he's not worth your time. I know it's hard to hear, but if he really cared about you he wouldn't be trying to push you into this, let him know that you're not willing to do anything until you're ready, and if he's not prepared to wait for that then he's not someone you want to be with anyway, honestly, it would be for the best,
Abi x
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